It’s not a stretch to say the Underground’s singular skill set renders him largely hopeless in the world of worthwhile employment, yet it’s likely I’m uniquely qualified to take possession of the following “Best Job in the World” courtesy the Australian government:
The job pays 150,000 Australian dollars (105,000 US dollars) and includes free airfares from the winner’s home country to Hamilton Island on the Great Barrier Reef, Queensland’s state government announced on Tuesday.
In return, the “island caretaker” will be expected to stroll the white sands, snorkel the reef, take care of “a few minor tasks” — and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.
The successful applicant, who will stay rent-free in a three-bedroom beach home complete with plunge pool and golf buggy, must be a good swimmer, excellent communicator and be able to speak and write English.
“They’ll also have to talk to media from time to time about what they’re doing so they can’t be too shy and they’ll have to love the sea, the sun, the outdoors,” said acting state Premier Paul Lucas.
“The fact that they will be paid to explore the islands of the Great Barrier Reef, swim, snorkel and generally live the Queensland lifestyle makes this undoubtedly the best job in the world.”
Frankly, I’m considering suing the bastards for false advertising; how exactly could any job be considered the “Best in the World” without some assurance there’d be bonefish (or some equally racy gamefish) in abundance.
Then again, I’m thinking of applying, and finding out for myself. If it’s one thing I’ve demonstrated over the years, it’s that I’m willing to take The Big Hits for my readers – regardless of the personal suffering involved.
Given my bronze features and stunning good lucks, I’m sure the application and contest is simply a formality. In fact, I’m willing to bet that wily bunch in Australia actually asked the Fly Fishing in Yellowstone blog to forward this to me because the sting of a direct “No” answer would have simply been unbearable.
See you in bikini-encrusted Australia, Tom Chandler.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: You’re supposed to apply for the “job” at http://www.islandreefjob.com/ – but I think their server’s down right now (duh).
ANOTHER IMPORTANT UPDATE: The contest winner has been announced (amazingly, it wasn’t me, but that might have something to do with not applying). He’s some Brit, which frankly irritates me as they get all the great stuff because of those accents.
YET ANOTHER IMPORTANT UPDATE: Now the winner – who has only posted a handful of blog entries – is being accused of slacking.
Plus (frankly speaking), his writing style simply doesn’t compare to that of the Underground’s, and that job is still rightfully mine.
More important “Best Job in the World” news as it happens (from the world reporting headquarters of “Best Job” news reporting).
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Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planets! Outdoors! beaches! $105,000/year! Actually Tom, I’m substanitally better suited for this job than you, inasmuch as I don’t have any family to look after (Wally would not do well in all that sun ‘n surf). And God knows I love the Queen!
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Jim: Once again, your lack of sensitivity appalls the Underground. It’s “Bikini Cavewoman” not the demeaning “Bikini Girl.” After you’ve written “Bikini Cavewoman” on the chalkboard 100 times, you can join the class again.
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Looks like a fun time. Wonder if they would let you cook some of this up:
http://www.bbqaddicts.com/blog/recipes/bacon-explosion/
What’s on your dinner menu?
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Talk about an economic stimulus plan …
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Taku: I’m slowly adding layers of cinnamon-chipotle dry rub to a pork shoulder roast, which will be cooked at 220 degrees for about 7 hours tomorrow. Forks ready?
Sully: You’ll have time soon, and you’ve already got that shipwrecked survivor look going…
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Tom,
I WILL take advantage of your web research and publish this info on my Global Adventure Humor blog (Sand Dollar Adventures).
I WILL give full credit to you for providing the information.
And I WILL be applying for this job.
Let’s see: I’m mostly retired; I SCUBA dive; I sail; I windsurf; I fish (well, Singlebarbed might argue that point); I write (again, Singlebarbed might argue that point); I like bikini-clad beach beauties (as long as my wife doesn’t catch me staring); and just look at the name of my blogsite…how can they turn me down?!?
(BTW – when I just checked the server was up and running.)
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How about Bikini Godesses? Bikini belly buttons? Ok, ok…when I checked, the server was down.
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Well! It’s about time! I’ve been waiting for some of these other nation’s to start outsourcing some of their job market. I wonder how much they were paying the union guys over there? Must have been some more perks, or possibly a better health insurance, right?
Somehow, I’m (gruesomely), thinking that the person that had this job formerly, met up with a Great White, instead of retiring after 30 years of service.
I have had some experience of rubbing elbows with the Queen’s WRAF in Berlin, many years ago. Introduced a few of them, (one was Miss Wales 1964, and her equally beautiful roomie), to the sweet tastes of sipping Tequila Sunrise’s for an evening’s pleasure during Oktoberfest in 1974. (Two gallons of OJ, a fifth of Tequila, and a small bottle of Grenadine, & I can vaguely remember the hangover of the following morning.)
They represented the Queen with expected dignity, & we were obligated to respond in kind, as members of the only American Armed Forces, (Co. F 40th Armor “Patton”, Berlin Brigade), to serve 110 miles behind the Russian “Iron Curtain”.
Not that I would ever be selected for such an opportunity, but Australia was on my list of places to visit when I was a younger man.
So I guess that I’ll just have to make do, fishing for walleye, white bass, smallie’s, bluegill, crappie, & lg.mouth bass, catfish, brown trout, steelhead, & salmon, at the southern tip of Lake Michigan.
later….
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It’s going to be almost 55 degrees today, so I’ve decided this whole island paradise thing just isn’t necessary, being as I already live in a mountain paradise. Still, any Undergrounder who ends up a winner owes us big time…
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Hmmm; looks like a job only a Texan could handle. After all, the lingo we use is nearly the same as Aussie-speak, as I learned a while back when I visited Sydney and Brisbane.
Besides, my manly demeanor and excellent skills in almost everything make me the only truly qualified candidate.
So, I’ve applied for the job. And they’ve already accepted! (Of course.) So all you dills can shoot through, or there absobloodylutely will be a barney…
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A job only a Texan could handle? What if it involves being president of the island? See the problem?
Still, for the Chile Underground, you might want to brush up on your seafood recipes.
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Tom,
I need your help.
After spending the better part of the last half hour “studying” the M.Q.’s, I figure I really do have the qual’s to “tackle” this tough assignment, but the problem is that they require a VIDEO application.
Looking at all the beautiful people on the video applications posted on their site, I don’t think I fit their demographic; me being old, slightly podgy, overly hirsute, and well, just not young, sexy, someone you would come to a tropical island to hang with.
Any suggestions?
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Damnit Jim, I’m a writer, not a plastic surgeon. I suppose you could emphasize the quality of your writing, your life experience, your communica… hahaha, I really slay myself sometimes. We both know they’re looking for a lingerie model (bonus points if she can type).
Still, you could always apply the Springer gambit; promise an unending stream of controversy (tell them the charge of cannibalism was never proved).
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IMPORTANT UPDATE: The contest winner has been announced (amazingly, it wasn’t me, but that might have something to do with not applying). He’s some Brit, which frankly irritates me as they get all the great stuff because of those accents.
Read all about it here.
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I knew I should have dyed my hair blond and feigned a foreign accent.
Maybe I should offer to console the runner-ups, starting with, say, Mirjam and Hailey.
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I wish I’d done that way back in high school, where the exchange students got all the girls.
The humanitarian in you truly inspires. Something.
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O.K. You and I didn’t get the Best Job In The World (although I think you may have the Second Best Job In The World); there is still time to apply for A Really Goode Job (and it’s a lot closer to the mancave):
http://sanddollaradventures.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/you-werent-good-enough-for-the-best-are-you-good-enough-for-the-goode/
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Trade the mountains for
whinewine country (and a non-stop hangover)? Not on your life.(Quote)
Now the winner – who has only posted a handful of blog entries – is being accused of slacking.
Plus (frankly speaking), his writing style simply doesn’t compare to that of the Underground’s, and that job is still rightfully mine.
More important “Best Job in the World” news as it happens (from the world reporting headquarters of “Best Job” news reporting).
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Time for yet another update to this story.
Tom – lucky for you and I that we didn’t get the job. Assuming we would have survived five and a half months of cavorting with bikini-clad beauties, we might have been one jet ski ride from our doom.
Lucky us.
http://sanddollaradventures.wordpress.com/2009/12/30/while-japan-panics-over-killer-jellyfish-the-best-job-in-the-world-dude-almost-dies-in-aussieland/
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