Luxury Camping?? The Underground Retches Openly…
By Tom Chandler on Aug 19, 2007 in Underground Entertainment
It’s not every day a news story causes me to almost hurl breakfast, but here it is: an nausea-inducing LA Times story about “glamping” — luxury camping. (MidCurrent picked up this one too, so we assume Marshal’s already lost his breakfast.)
Glamping is the fast-growing segment of the travel industry where people pretend to interface with nature while a staff of servile lackeys hover in the background, keeping the food coming, the heated tents clean, the private bathrooms in tip-top condition, and (presumably) the animals at a nice, safe distance.
The outdoors? We looked hard, but we couldn’t find it anywhere in the LAT Times story. Helpful hint? Don’t stray too far from your own bathroom while reading the story. You’re gonna to want to blow chunks:
When 6-year-old Ethan Bondick told his mom and dad he wanted to go fly-fishing in Montana, his well-heeled parents were stumped.
“We looked at each other and said, ‘Oh, god, now what?’ ” said Gigi Bondick, 37, a “reformed” attorney whose husband works as a private-equity partner in Massachusetts.
“We’re just not the camping kind of people. We don’t pitch tents. We don’t cook outdoors. We don’t share a bathroom. It’s just not going to happen. This is a kid who has never flown anything but first class or stayed anywhere other than a Four Seasons.”
If anyone wonders how our “not the camping kind of people” solved this heart-rending problem, read on:
The Bondicks, who live in a sprawling home on the edge of a state park outside Boston and hire a personal chef at home, shelled out $595 a night — plus an additional $110 per person per day for food.
It’s a hefty price to sleep in a tent, but the perks include a camp butler to build their fire, a maid to crank up the heated down comforter at nightfall and a cook to whip up bison rib-eye for dinner and French toast topped with huckleberries for breakfast.
It gets worse. Really.
The bathhouses, a short walk from the tents, have heated slate floors, a rain-forest shower big enough for two, granite countertops and artisan mountain sage soap.
But even that is too much roughing it for some families. After two nights, David Blake, 46, of Boston and his family abandoned their tent in favor of more luxurious digs: a 1,440-square-foot timbered home on four acres.
I tried to compose a series of bitingly satirical passages to wrap up this post, but in a classic case of truth trumping fiction, I was stumped — the characters in this story are a far stronger parody of campers than anything I could invent.
After all, on my recent backpacking trip into the Smokies, I bought the instant oatmeal with the separate packet of “crunch flavoring” and thought that was pretty luxurious.
Then again, with well-heeled “hunters” shooting “trophies” in caged enclosures and well heeled “fly fishers” catching pellet-fed, stocked trout in private streams and thumping their chests over the feat, why should campers be any different?
As always, Undergrounders, the floor is yours. Is glamping just another facet of a society that can’t quite come to grips with nature, or a sure sign of the impending apocalypse?
See you in the heated, slate-floored bathrooms, Tom Chandler.
[tags]camping, glamping, luxury camping[/tags]
KW Morrow | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
I think it’s hilariously pathetic. But rich people have been camping sort of like this throughout history. So this isn’t new.
Nothing about the world of a working class person and a member of the uber-wealthy is a close fit. They don’t stand in line, they don’t sleep in beds or use bathrooms that others have used recently, and they don’t do their own laundry, cooking, or cleaning. So when they venture into the great outdoors, they don’t make instant oatmeal over a backpacking stove either. They take along a team of backpackers to carry their load, do all their work, and haul an immense amount of luxury comfort items along to soften the trip.
When I was a young infantry officer in training, we had a fellow trainee from Saudi Arabia who was a low-level member of the Saudi royal family. He was totally stunned and outraged that he had to carry his own rucksack. He walked up to me with wide eyes in obvious distress and asked under his breath, “Where is the man to carry my pack?” This guy wasn’t going to make it through Ranger School, if you know what I mean! LOL
Later, I spent years managing and building and marketing luxury hunting clubs for the Fortune 500 crowd. I once got a $200 tip for putting a “Great White Hunter’s” shotgun together for him when he brought it to the club straight from Bass Pro Shops’ fine gun room in the box. And we had an employee they paid $3-5/bird to dress their game for them. If their multi-passenger ATV’s broke down in the field, they would call me on their cell phones and tell me where they had left it and where to pick them up at. And we served fresh-cooked gourmet breakfasts in the duck blind on china, with silver and white linen napkins carried out from our lodge kitchen in 4×4’s by lodge service staff…cooked to order, which we took by cell phone or Motorola 2-way radio by our chef.
To the rich, this IS “outdoor adventure.”
Don Luis | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
Nice, Poe-like touch in the title. Did the ellipsis stand in for “Retch”? “… Underground wretches openly retch” conjures up a fine mental picture, and one quite befitting such a description of camping. It’s not a word you hear every day. Back when the country was presided over by another Texan, LBJ, one wag noted that one of Johnson’s speeches was “enough to make a buzzard retch”. Just think what that buzzard would do in today’s environment. Seriously, keep up the good work.
Tom Chandler | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
KV: Of course it isn’t new, but any time it’s so unapologetically trumpeted (”This is a kid who has never flown anything but first class or stayed anywhere other than a Four Seasons.”), it deserves notice.
Still, this whole thing has caused me to re-think my own wilderness experiences. I mean, why am I carrying my own pack, tying on my own flies, and wiping my own butt? Damn, I’ve been doing it all wrong…
Don Luis: Good catch on the headline. Started one place, ended up in another (and wrong). The joy of public writing…
KW Morrow | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
Tom,
I get a huge kick out of this stuff, too. The best part of being in the recreational real estate and outfitting biz was sitting around with REAL outdoorsmen and women after all the “sports” left and laughing our posteriors off about the whole thing over a few cans of Busch beer.
And, yes, these types of people have no idea how statements like she made about her son’s travel experiences sound to the other 95% of Americans who don’t live in her world. Then again, most of them don’t give a rat’s ass what we think, either…as long as we do what they pay us to do.
kbarton10 | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
Well, darn. I suppose if it keeps them out of the woods it’s for the best. Seems like a horrible fate for a kid, not to at least get a feel for his heritage.
Instead, “Spike” will be happy to acquaint him with reality, after the third drunken driving arrest.. “Hey Rich Boy, you wanna be the Mommy or the Daddy tonight?…”
C3C Raine | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
“glamping”…at first I was sickened and a little pissed at this particular ‘outing’ but after contimplating it for a short period I though “WTF!” = “wow, that’s fantastic.” The way I see it is, as kbarton mentioned, they probably don’t share the same ‘outdoors’ that we do. And more importantly any one of us average joes could be the ones to carry their pack or build their fire, put up their tent, etc. I would never argue about getting a $600 check to take a bunch of silly-ass people camping, even if I had to do everything for them. In more ways than one I’m used to that situation - try taking your friends backpacking who have close to no real knowledge of such activities. I mean there could even be companies that could start making ‘rugged business suits’ and stuff. However, it’s an overall SAD situation and from a personal, and totalitarian, perspective, the world would be much better off without such people.
Josh | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
I drive by Paws Up (the resort in the article) about once a week, on the way to fishing spots on the Blackfoot. The resort itself is ridiculous. When it first opened up, they were fined thousands of dollars for having a kitchen that didn’t meet regulations. They kept serving people despite the state’s orders to shut down. Paws Up is also known for using its helicopter to herd elk onto their property, so that they are easily accessible to “glampers” and trophy hunters. They don’t employ local fishing guides either. But what a beautiful piece of property they do own.
KW Morrow | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
I’m no expert on elk or Montana wildlife codes, but herding wild game with a helicopter would be highly illegal most places. Food for thought…
ijsouth | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
This is funny, and sad at the same time. I really feel sorry for this kid; if something ever happened to his parents or their money, he wouldn’t be able to make it on his own.
Somehow, if I had that kind of money, I still couldn’t picture myself having a butler to start the fire, etc…what fun is that? Might as well stay at the nearest luxury hotel and helicopter in.
chris | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
The problem with this is that rich people buy up nice fishing holes and then deny access to the riff-raff. When I was in high school, one of my favorite activities was to ditch out early with my friends and go fly fish near Dunton, Colorado. After a long day, we would go up to the old ghost town and soak in the natural hot springs. When I went back to visit a few years ago, I took my fishing tackle and headed up to my old haunt to find this:
http://www.duntonhotsprings.com/index.html
Man, I hate yuppies.
Jack Cook | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
The positive side is this kid is going to become a fly fishing fanatic and donate zillions of dollars to the cause. Look at the Haas family.
Don Luis | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
It’s hard to deny the public good done by the Haas family. It’s equally hard to contemplate the legions of people whose jobs were lost to cost-cutting and offshoring efforts.
I’m starting to sense a need here. With the proviso that it do no harm to the turkey vultures, is there a way to induce temporary explosive diarhhea in most of the vultures in a specific geographic area? Just how many might it take to bring down a helicopter, while we’re at it? OK, doing no harm to humans: bring the chopper down slowly, gently, under an ever-increasing weight. Sounds like a win-win.
Don Luis | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
Damn. Now I’ve misspelled a word, too. That’s enough out of me for one day. Two r’s, one h. Probably should have just used a euphemism.
Jim Dorst | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
Wait, wait !!
Not “Glamping”
“BON-DICKING!”
KW Morrow | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
Well, apparently that springs property was private property available for purchase on the open market. I have no problem with people with money or with folks using it to buy great places to relax and enjoy the mountains. And businesses have a right to charge what they want for their goods/services (with some restrictions in regard to certain things, ie. price gouging, monopolies, etc.)
Sure, it sucks to be poor working folks. But here we are! LOL
I went to college with a whole university full of rich kids. And the point made above about this young man is the good one. I had a good friend in college who came from a very wealthy family. His grandfather married a blonde with an MBA and a law degree about 5 years older than we were when we were juriors in college. By the time he graduated, grandpa had died and left everything to the gold-digger. She took it ALL and left everyone else in the family (all of whom worked for the family business) broke and unemployed. My friend majored in cinematography. His dad had majored in music. When I last checked in a few years ago, his dad was playing piano in local bars and my friend was a security guard in a skyscraper downtown. And this happened in 1987…20 years ago. Raising a kid on the assumption that family wealth will always be there for them is foolish and not fair to the child. Regardless of how much money you have, I believe EVERY boy needs to know how to fend for himself in the wild, in the workplace, and in a dark alley.
I also agree that I could never have enough money that I wouldn’t want to shed it all from time to time and take what I could carry on my body and trek off into the woods alone. Of course, the stuff I could carry might be really cool stuff! LOL
Wayne Mumford | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
I guess we won’t be seeing “glampers” in the spring and fall when the weather makes umbrella caddies and warmth to costly to pay for?
We had fun with similar folks on the Missouri this summer, armed with costly guides, arsenals of Sage rods, reels and the like by catching large fish right under their noses with $150 fly outfits. We also enjoyed seeing them returning to their powder rooms while we were camped out in our $300 Eureka tent a stones throw from the fishing holes and loving every minute of it. The best part was by the time the guides got them rounded up and on the river we had already been fishing for three hours and caught more fish than they would all day. They can have it! Cheers to the kid in the story, he is our only hope. I just hope he hooks up with real world fisherman and finds out how great it really is out there, not peeping out from the shelter of his parents feathered nest.
KW Morrow | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
I’ve always found it interesting that most FF guides seem to hit the water between 8 and 10am, even in the hottest part of summer. Often times, they are putting in when I am getting out.
Most of my guiding experience came in the hunting field, and I’ve known a bunch of bass fishing guides all my life. I guess I just assumed that all guides got up at 3-4am. But in the 10 years I’ve been fly fishing seriously, I’ve learned that just doesn’t apply to FF guides.
But I hope they never change. I almost never run into them for the first few or last few hours of the day. And that’s the best time to fish during the hotter part of the year.
kbarton10 | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
At the outfits I worked for it was at the shop at 6AM, on the water at 7AM. The client can specify not to be woken up until 10AM or noon, with me cooling my heels until the Croissant Truck shows.
It makes it difficult to drum up some fishing when you have both hands tied behind your back.
Jack Cook | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
I thought we were talking about the rich vs the whatever.
I wonder what the guy who fishes with a $99.00 Wall Mart fly rod with reel thinks about the elite who uses a $2000.00 bamboo, reel not included.
I’ll bet he thinks the elite’s kid is heading for disaster.
Tom Chandler | Aug 19, 2007 | Reply
I don’t know that this is necessarily a class wars thing; plenty of folks with money hunt and fish without spending the GNP of a small nation to do it.
It’s more a question of “soft adventure” — of people experiencing the outdoors, but only on the most ridiculous, meaningless terms possible.
Their interesting in the outdoors is nil; their interest in conspicuous consumption is significant…
KW Morrow | Aug 20, 2007 | Reply
Class generalizations that spring up from such accounts in the media are always rife with exceptions and contradictions, yes. Teddy Roosevelt was from one of the richest families in America, but was a skilled outdoorsman who could rough it with the best in a world that was much rougher than any of us have known. And there are still plenty of those types around today.
Frankly, most of the folks catered to by the hot springs resort in CO and Paws Up in Montana (the two mentioned herein) are NOT the type any outdoorsman would actually consider fellow outdoorsmen. Most would not consider themselves serious outdoorsmen and women. They are usually city-dwelling “sports” looking for a one-time outdoor adventure ON THEIR OWN, cosmopolitan terms. Luxury adventure travel is very popular among the wealthy elite in Europe and the US. But most of them never repeat the same type of trip more than once a decade or so.
A few years ago, I was engaged by Frontiers International Travel. And that was their #1 concern: lack of repeat business. They lose their wealthy travelers for two reasons: it was a one-time “wild hair” sort of deal, or they find a LESS EXPENSIVE way to go back and do it again. The Fortune 500 board members and CEOs who were members of my clubs had all traveled with Frontiers in the past. But none of them would do it again to the same places they had already been because they found they could go to Argentina to hunt or fish for less than half the price and have a LOT more fun. They always answered surveys and questions along the lines of, “Oh, it was great! But I’ve found that I can go without them and all that fancy stuff they provide a WHOLE LOT cheaper and have just as much fun.”
Of course, my guys were mostly from “fly-over country,” where gross conspicuous consumption is not really all that en vogue even among the richest families in the region. The mindset here is that they’d rather go three times as often for 1/3 the cost, or have TWO $50k vehicles instead of ONE $100k vehicle. Not many gold toilets or tuxedo-wearing butlers in the center 1/3 of the US…even though the wealthy here can certainly afford them.
In the LA Times story that started this whole discussion, the mom said it all to me when she said that her son wanted to go fly fishing and camping, but she was “not willing to do it;” and when they found Paws Up they said, “this is the answer! We can do THIS!” It wasn’t about the little boy. It was about what his parents were willing to endure to expose him to the outdoor life. And you can bet that they are “new money.” That sort of mentality is far more common among 1st generation wealthy folks than it is among blue bloods. They’re still stuck in the “hey! look what we can afford,” mode.
I think you’re right, Tom. The REAL question here is what constitutes a meaningful outdoor experience. I think something tells all of us that herding elk with a helicopter so you can drive a few sports out to the field for a photo opp is NOT really it. I think the issue is that it lacks GENUINENESS. It’s like going to a Cabela’s or Bass Pro Shops…or watching a National Geographic special in HD…and saying you have experienced the outdoors.
Big Sky Taku | Aug 21, 2007 | Reply
Well, shoot just keep that “new” money coming our way! What do you think us po’ folk in Montana DO for a living? Cater the the rich and famous, while complaining about the McMansions of course. Actually, I spent several years working next door to what was then the Lindberg Ranch. What is now the Paws Up, has gone thru several other attempts at making a go of it. What is truly a pisser, is the billboards/signs that Paws Up feels is necessary to place along Highway 200. Contrast that with the E-L Ranch next door, which is very obscure except for the fact is is where people go who really want a place that is tucked away and doesn’t make a fuss. That is what Paws Up is all about, large, big signs and being ostentatious. But you can still fish the Big Blackfoot right thru the ranch. Thank those anarchists who wrote the 1972 State Constitution for clear thinking. Ok, back to getting the campfires started for the guests…..
Moldychum | Aug 22, 2007 | Reply
So what would the “luxury” version of fly fishing be called?
According to the sidebar ads I’ve seen on MidCurrent it’s a 5 star Chilean mega yacht fly fishing base camp with accessory Bell Ranger jet copter for 15K a week. (You can book a week though Orvis, do affiliate rates apply?) Or is it Montana’s fly fishing version of the Cannonball Run? A mere 10k for 5 fun filled days of driving a Lambo Murcielago from the Bighorn to the Madison.
See you on helipad.
Tom Chandler | Aug 22, 2007 | Reply
Taku: Living in an economically downtrodden rural area, I understand the job picture. A tourist-based job isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s just that tourists are a necessary part of the equation. When you start talking about the newly rich, well…
Moldy: I consider any trip where I don’t fall in, get stung, break a limb or get hooked by a fishing buddy a “luxury” trip.
Expectation is everything…
Josh | Aug 22, 2007 | Reply
Just to throw a different twist in:
While resorts like Paws Up and others no doubt have questionable management practices, and the wealthy clients coming are ridiculous in their demands and expectations, we do have to keep in mind the future of fly fishing.
Fisherman are in a state of decline, waters are being locked up, and the power of fisherman to politically mobilize is rarely utilized. I think every new fly fisherman is something to be treasured. Sure, glamping makes all of us retch, but if it brings people to the sport, then I believe that is great. Especially if they are wealthy, have political connections, and can actually make some great progress for access and ecosystem health.
I think apathy is to be feared far more than glamping.
Annie | Aug 26, 2007 | Reply
I am not a fisherwoman, but happened upon this site after googling the “glamping” article. This morning, my husband and I took turns reading the article in the paper (and spitting out our morning coffee) at the thought of such an idea. I just had to write after reading all of your replies. You are one of the most wellspoken, intelligent, and thoughtful online bunch I have ever happened across. I enjoyed learning a bit about your sport and some of the issues you face (and people you must deal with). After talking about the rediculousness of this story, I think my final impression is one of such sadness for the little boy prince in the story. How ironic that a child who could have “everything” is missing out on one of the greatest joys a kid can experience: roughing it in the great outdoors. Remote camping has given my own daughter such a sense of independence, confidence, and a true love and appreciation for nature. How is the boy going to learn to build his own fire, if the butler is there to do it for him? And think of the sense of confidence and purpose he is missing out on by not being given such an opportunity. Gives a whole new meaning to the saying, “poor little rich kid.” I am sure that in 20 years we will see special camps that rich people can go to where they pay to learn these skills… at the suggestion of their therapists… based on missed experiences during their overprivileged childhood. Maybe some of you could start organizing those now to beat the rush… have people pay tons of money to pitch their own tent, build their own fire, and find their own potable water. Thanks again for the interesting read.