At some points in your life, a little reflection is needed. Here’s why it should happen on a river.

The next step's a doozie.
The day before trout season opened in 1999, I ditched the Silicon Valley and moved to a tiny mountain town with its own trout river. I spent a chunk of that trout opener just sitting on the bank and watching the river go by, wondering just what the hell I’d gotten myself into.
Then, on the first day of the new millenium (1/1/2000), I fly fished Baum Lake (not much was open in the winter back then) – despite doing some things the prior evening that I did not discuss with local religious leaders.
Due to the hangover, I don’t remember a lot about that trip, but I do remember catching a fair number of Baum’s stockies on a BWO dry, which is a pretty good way to start your next 1000 years. At that point, I had no idea just what the hell I was getting myself into.
Today, I’m packing for Ethiopia, making yesterday’s trip to a small, never-fished-by-me stream – my last as a childless angler.
A couple times after I moved to Dunsmuir, I toyed with the idea of becoming a trout bum/writer/largely single guy, but never did quite pull the trigger. And frankly, I’m happy about that.
I greatly admire people like John Gierach, a man who decided to fly fish for a living and then made it happen (and does so without the posturing, false bravado, and suspiciously compensatory behavior that marks so many who take that route).
Still, admiring someone doesn’t necessarily mean following in their footsteps, and while I’m aware my new adventure represents a right turn from an earlier, more carefree existence, it’s not The End of An Era or anything remotely that dramatic.
Still, it is a moment that demands a little bank sitting, wondering just what the hell I’m getting myself into this time.
Fly fishing trips will do that to you. They force the rest of the world to recede, yet still invite you to ponder the imponderables – a neat trick for any sport.
I’m also aware that when I start thinking too deeply in the above vein, maybe it’s time to simply go fishing.
Which I did.
The Schedule = The Fishery
Due to the madness that has become life, I haven’t fished much lately, and yes, I badly needed to go despite a schedule suggesting zero tolerance for fun.
That’s why – the day before I left to start my pretty-much-around-the-world trip – I ran to a nearby small stream I’d found by accident earlier in the year, but hadn’t fly fished.

Small, pretty and almost certainly unfished.
The Wonderdog sure remembered our previous trip, and his first act – after marking every tree near the truck – was to spot the rings of a rising trout in a pool at the bottom of a small gorge.
I’d seen those rings too, but I didn’t gallump down the hill at speed and plunge headlong into the pool after the trout.
Naturally, he caught nothing, but quickly got over the disappointment after finding the bones of a recently deceased deer.
Thus, the key differences between fly fishermen and retrievers are revealed (stealth and a gag reflex).

Sure he's happy - he smells like dead deer.
I knew in advance there would be no big trout, and there was a chance there would be no trout at all.
That’s inherent in any fly fishing trip (especially one already severely constrained by distance and time), but the thought was a little punishing this time.
I hadn’t fished recently, and because this was something of a turning point in my life, I needed a trout to make the occasion. Any sized trout.
Needed one.
Just one…

Thanks. I needed that.
Deep breath.
With all the uncertainty ahead, it’s nice to know that dogs still roll in dead things, undiverted streams still flow during droughts, trout still eat dries, and fly fishermen can get their heads screwed on straight through the simple act of catching fish.

A portrait of the fly fisher as a newly young man
Working my way upstream was a challenge in stealth, casting, and yes, Wonderdog management, but I managed to land another half-dozen little trout, the biggest of which might have gone seven inches.
I didn’t care of course – this year I’ve been on a small stream jag which pretty much guarantees a dearth of “Slab of the Month” entries.
It also guarantees a slower-paced fishing experience, one which invites some odd photographic experiments, including those which find your tiny point-and-shoot camera half submerged in the water:

Why not experiment with your camera?
Or even fully submerged and looking up, trying to approximate what a handsome, local, small-stream fly fisherman might look to a trout:

Is this what trout see right before they're unhooked and released?
An hour after I started, I was finished.
Deadlines called, bags needed to be packed, people needed to be met, and I ended my last outing as a childless fly fisherman wondering if my daughter would find the same peace on small streams filled with tiny, largely ignored trout.
She’ll see plenty of running water (I’ll see to that), but will she ever find her way to a stream in the middle of a busy day, turning over stones, watching for telltale shadows on the stream bottom, rolling her eyes as her dog plunges into a fishy looking pool, and desperately wanting just one single trout – confirmation the world isn’t tilting wholly off its axis?
Cleary, the future is filled with little certainty. And a lot of possibility.

What trout see?
See you on the Stream, Tom Chandler.






























just beautiful writing Tom……..remember everything will still be here when you get back and you will have another to share with!…be sure to take some’Tommy Time’ just for you and Wonder Dog…we’ll try do keep you’re life ‘balanced’ by taking you fishing….Myrna rae and I are excited for you and Nancy……..safe trip c.u. Three when you get back. w.
wayne eng(Quote)
Wonderful insight my friend…you posess amazing talent.Truly a delightful read.
I detect a certain amount of “questioning myself”, relax, you and Nancy have come to that fork in life’s road that will become your favorite trip ever. You will be a great father.
I have never experienced anything greater than teaching my daughter “my” world…dogs, flying, fly fishing and competive handgun shooting.
samistopdog(Quote)
A lovely read, and great photos.
I could feel the peace and silence of the place, Tom.
This is why I dislike the new style fishing videos; every scene of a beautiful stream, river or lake is drowned out by the thump-thump of loud music the moment a fish is hooked.
So much for nature.
And, I love Led Zeppelin.
paul w(Quote)
Just about two years and two weeks ago, I was coming to the end of a three-month stint on a project in the Cascades. I’d spent the early part of the morning picking my way around a huge rockfall above the interstate, marking and photographing some of the planes of failure with a survey team. The sun was unimpeded by anything save the upper atmosphere, the equipment we were packing around the unsteady tumble of boulders was heavy, and I was sweating.
We finished up the section we were working on, and I exited the rockfall near the top of the slide scarp. At the crest of the ridge, the wind was coming up off the lake below, crisp and cool as it searched for early autumn leaves to toss around. I stopped and stood there for a few minutes to finish the bottle of water in my pack and wonder if I’d ever again have the good fortune to be paid to do something this fun.
In another hour or so, my wife would call and tell me she was starting to have contractions. Although I didn’t know that at the time, I still had fatherhood on my mind. It was two weeks before the due date, but that was close enough to make this my last day on the mountain regardless. This scene seemed as good as any for some introspection, and so I was indulging.
If I could wish for one thing for my as yet unborn daughter, what would it be? After mulling that over for five or six swigs of a water bottle, I decided I would want her to not have to settle. Don’t settle for not being proud of what you do, whatever that is. Don’t settle for not pursuing your passion, whatever that is. Don’t settle for less than your best, whatever that is.
The low thrum of the helicopter approaching brought me back to the task at hand. Time to get this gear flown off the hill and then hike out to go clear out my room. And take that phone call.
You’ll make a fine father, TC. Just make sure your little girl has the opportunity to become passionate about something–whether it’s fly fishing or writing or whatever–and then make sure she doesn’t settle for anything less than keeping that passion close to her forever.
MHH(Quote)
Today while fishing for salmon and steelhead in the Milwaukee river I took time to watch the rapids roll by, watch the fish jump over them, and to watch the great blue heron across from me vigilantly watch the water.
I graduated from college into this mess we’re in looking to get an architectural photography job, I spent 8 frustrating months hounding jobs, lowering my expectations and groveling for any source of income.
I used any minute that I had free of job searching chasing salmon, fishing for lake michigan perch, hiking miles up inland trout streams in my home town that I’d never bothered to explore, and just becoming a better fisherman in general. I even started a blog of my own to keep myself occupied. About a month and a week ago I got a call from the firm I applied to before I even got out of school, my dream job, and they hired me full time as an apprentice. Almost every day since has been so busy that I’ve been able to do nothing but come home and fall into my bed.
This weekend I dedicated to salmonids, and it fell on a weekend that I had no car. So in the last 24 hours I’ve hitched a ride, walked 12 miles around milwaukee and chicago hiking from bus to river, from harbor to train… etc. 2 bus rides, an amtrack ride, public transportation, blisters from walking with wet shoes in the rain and hiking miles up stream in hip boots. It felt so good to get out and smell like fish again.
So this morning after catching a 22 pound king salmon I sat on the bank and found myself where I was. Wondering what the next few decades will be like, having left the opportunity to drive 4 hours and fish all night just because the wind is right 200 miles north of me behind.
What I knew today on the gravel bar, sitting there listening and watching everything move by me, was that life is good. It was good yesterday, it was good last month, it will continue to be good.
I’m no father, at this point I’m still just a son and a brother, but I can tell you’re going to be a good father. You’re like me, you put your heart and soul into things, you have put them into trout, you have put them into the underground, and you will put them into your beautiful new daughter. You’re an amazing enough person that I, someone you never have met before, feel compelled enough to write this because I genuinely feel that you’re a great man, and will make a great father as well.
See you on the river Tom.
-Tom Harris
Tom Harris(Quote)
Great essay, I really enjoy your blog. I’ve been spreading the word within my small fly fishing community here in VT. Good luck with your daughter!
-Andy
AndyVTFlyFishing(Quote)
Wow. This post has provoked the best written responses I’ve ever seen here. You have some readers who are writers! Like Wayne said, it is a lovely piece, especially the fine photo of Wally. :0)
I sense trepidation in your post, perhaps a bit of fear about what the future holds. Wish I could ease your anxiety, but I know I can’t. Still, I’ll give it a try. You know, you would be amazed at what we as parents can do without getting a degree in parenting. See…they don’t come with an instruction book. That’s what I wanted so badly when I brought the wife and little one home from the hospital. That’s what us guys want. We know how to read instructions; hell, some of us can even follow ‘em.
If my experience is any indication, you are going to know how much fun Halloween really can be…so much more than when we were kids. You’re gonna understand what “some assembly required” really means at 2:00 a.m. in the morning. You’re gonna be amazed at how much better in school she is than we were. You’re gonna become a cheerleader and a coach, all in one. And you’ll cry when she feels pain. You’re gonna catch yourself before you say that favorite word we all like to say, and you’re gonna bristle when some jerk doesn’t show her enough respect to do the same.
And then, one day much sooner than you think, Tom, she is going to turn into a young lady, and go away to college, and you are gonna look at her and realize how magnificent she has become, what a bright, beautiful, charming young lady she is, and that she no longer needs you to be her protector. She only needs your advice when she asks for it. And she will ask for it, just not nearly as often as you would like.
Enjoy.
Kentucky Jim(Quote)
What a great read, and excellent responses. Good luck Tom.
Mid TN Lee(Quote)
Just to let everybody know, TC called me from the road yesterday (as he was in traffic on the Bay Bridge) and is flying out this morning. Good Luck Brother.
David
David Roberts(Quote)
Nervous? I’m sure you are. I remember standing there in the hospital some 37 years ago looking down at my newborn daughter and thinking to myself-”So just what are you going to do now?”
I did what most of us do-the best I could. And I think it all worked out pretty well. Both my daughters are now grown, married and with kids of their own. They didn’t always listen to Dad and your daughter won’t either, but with the insight and thoughtfulness that you hve shown in your writing I would be will ing to bet that you will do just fine.
Good luck, have a safe trip and I can’t wait to see the first pictures!
Harry(Quote)
Good luck! I find out tomorrow if we are having son #4 or daughter #2. either way, 5 kids will keep me pretty busy!
Oatka(Quote)
Tom, you are in for an incredible journey. To paraphrase my Irish friend ” children are our penance, but also our salvation”.
You’ll be a great father, welcome to the tapestry of life.
Robert(Quote)
Sneak Peek for the Undergrounders:
Tom Chandler(Quote)
I just realized, now’s my chance to pounce on http://www.parentingunderground.com and then charge you an arm and a leg and a Phillipson 5-wt for the rights to the URL when you want to start up one of those precious child-rearing blogs. Or are those solely the province of Martha Stewart wannabes with the figure of a 20-year-old lingerie model at 3 months post partum who seem to have bottomless trust funds and no responsibilities beyond letting everyone know how unbearably delightful their kids–and, by extension, they themselves–are?
Either way, I think I’ve said too much. The next piece of the Underground empire is gonna cost ya, Chandler…
MHH(Quote)
Few of us were born to flyfishers. And I know a lot of pals who flyfish who are the first fishers in their darn clan. I only know a few who were born into families of the fly. It’ll be different from now on.
Assuming most of us were born of Eisenhower, the Kennedys, in the Era of Popular Music, members of the Inhalation Generation, endangered by the War in SE Asia — there were far fewer flyfishers in that, the post-WW II Arbogast Generation of parents, otherwise known as the Greatest Generation. Now, with thousands of fly types all over the country and throughout the world, many more kids will see and experience the sport. And it also seems to me that a whole lot more kids — and lucky ones they are — will be exposed to the gentle way onstream.
If’n you ask me, that is a downright uplifting thought. Teach your children well, we sang, 40 years ago.
Flykuni(Quote)
Tom,
You and the L&T will do a fine job! Congratulations.
Murdock(Quote)
Beautiful!
Kentucky Jim(Quote)
I leave for Spain in another day and hope to bring back a few pictures, muddled memories of too much wine drunk, and with any luck, all the luggage that I leave home with.
You are returning home with a treasure.
A. Wannabe Travelwriter(Quote)
nice essay really enjoyed. Wild rainbows and native brookies are all I fish for here in Va. Some things size doesn’t matter
Kenny(Quote)
Damm…
I needed some “up lifting” words today, so as always where do I go,?, TU of course and man did I find em’ spades…..great words from all to be had.
I lost my cousin a few weeks ago, she was 38, full of energy and life, left behind two boys and a husband. It really make one “focus” on what is REALLY important and how petty the world has become, or seems to be.
Tom you are on the “right” path, all will be well and good, how wonderfull to have new child to show the world to!
Devin(Quote)
Hi Tom,
Parenting is the only thing I have ever done that I KNOW is worth it. You’ll be amazed at how much bigger your life is when you give over a good chunk of it to a child.
And from that picture, you have to be in love already.
R
Richard(Quote)
Got a snippet of news from Tom through Mom and things seem to be going well for the new parents. Paperwork looms the next couple of days (visas and such) and they start the long trip home later this week. The true test won’t be in Tom’s parenting skills, it will be in his ability to withstand the 16 hour flight home. That’s the real reason they don’t allow guns on airplanes — Tom might shoot himself!
Smarter and Better Looking Brother(Quote)
Haha yea 16 hours stuck in a plane does not sound like very much fun.
Mid TN Lee(Quote)
Beautiful dog, there’s always fun to have tagging along on a fishing trip. As long as they don’t eat the fish. I miss my dog, he’s now living with my parents.
Fishing Guy(Quote)