It’s Friday here at the Trout Underground, where revenge isn’t so much a dish served cold as it is the Ultimate Goal of the Universe.

Fortunately, that vengeful bunch at Orvis have delivered into our hands the Osprey Kite – the Underground’s Official Bird of Prey Revenge Kite.

Unfortunately, Orvis’ vision is limited; they suggest the Osprey Kite is a good way to “keep unwanted birds and pests from deck, dock, or garden.”

The Underground knows better. With a 44″ wingspan, this realistic Osprey simulation – complete with hapless trout in its claws – will cast a dark, osprey-shaped shadow on the water, sending each and every fish in the area scurrying for cover.

Those annoying fly fishermen who waded across the river ten feet above you, putting down your rising trout? They’ll never even see a fish once you’ve flown the the Revenge Kite over their water – something you can do from a nice, safe, upwind distance.

It’s the perfect gift for any fly fishermen with uncontrollable anger issues (that’s most of you), and for this priceless gift of knowledge, we ask nothing in return.

Why? It’s just what we do. We give, damnit. We give.

See you at anger management class, Tom Chandler

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