Caption contest, and any variation of “So, is that a barracuda in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?” results in immediate disqualification.

Some kind of valuable prize awaits the winner.

bikini, fish, fish in bikini, caption contest

Technorati Tags: bikini, caption contest, fish, fish in bikini

It’s Fly Fishing Industry Week here at the Trout Underground, and following the Underground’s discovery of the sporting-clays style casting course planned for Bend, OR, our Crack Investigative Reporting Team read a press release ferreted out news of an Angling Trade/Orvis-hosted casting competition at Fly Fishing Retailer.

From Angling Trade:

According to Hutch Hutchinson, host of the Orvis/Angling Trade Helios Challenge “we’ll have an assortment of casting challenges and obstacles to simulate natural conditions and increase the challenge element.  This unique event isn’t just a great time, it also gives industry conservation efforts a significant boost of exposure.”

It sounds like fun – and yes, it’s an ideal venue for Orvis to introduce their rumoured new line of Helios “Ion” small stream fly rods (the “Ion” series wouldn’t be our first choice for a name, but it’s theirs, and they make way more money than we do, so…)

Like the Bend, OR course, the FFR installation is supposed to feature true-to-life casting problems, though frankly, the Underground wonders how “real” any indoor casting course could be.

After all, how do you simulate “real-life” stream moments like:

• In mid-cast, you realize you didn’t turn off the stove after heating that can of soup
• At dusk, hordes of bloodthirsty mosquitoes descend like the tiny winged hounds of hell, forcing you to cast with one hand while trying to prevent a reverse blood transfusion with the other
• You stayed up late the night before and drank too much; how do you simulate casting with a hangov… wait, it’s FFR, this one’s covered
• With a crowd watching from the far bank, you hook yourself on your own backcast in a part of your back you can’t reach; you have 20 seconds to solve the problem without anyone noticing

Of course, these are just a few real-life conditions I encounter every day, but I’m sure the Underground’s tail-looping hordes can add a few of their own.

How about it Undergrounders: what it would take to develop a truly realistic casting course?

Best suggestion wins a copy of Craig Ballenger’s not-lauded-nearly enough book: “Shasta’s Headwaters – an Angler’s Guide to the Upper Sacramento and McCloud Rivers.”

Undergrounders, the contest floor is yours.

fly fishing, fly casting, casting competition, ffr, orvis, angling trade, booke giveaway

Technorati Tags: angling trade, booke giveaway, casting competition, ffr, fly casting, Fly Fishing, orvis

HMH has chosen the winner of their fly tying vise giveaway (the ad has been appearing on the Trout Underground, Singlebarbed, Fly Fish Chick and the Day Tripper for the last three months).

The lucky bastard winner is Roland Meehan of Milton, NH, and I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that free fly tying vise is rightfully mine those who didn’t win will still be on the receiving end of HMH’s e-newsletter, which should prove interesting.

I’m putting together a little essay for the next issue, and even if you hate reading email, HMH just fired up their own forum.

The Underground thanks them for their support, and as for you Roland, I’m going to hunt you down happy to congratulate you on your win.

See you at the fly tying bench, Tom Chandler.

Before life turned a little surreal on me, I was running a contest to give away an AEG Fish Bums video or a copy of Kerplunk by Patrick McManus.

I finally freed up a few minutes to fire up the random.org random number generator (which generates truly random numbers based on atmospheric noise), and who should win but… Salty (of BWTF fame).

To be blunt, his winning comment lacked a little of the Pulitzer-esque gravitas we’ve come to associate with him on the BWTF blog, but damnit, numbers don’t lie. He said:

always reel right; dominant hand

So Salty — despite your slacker-level effort — it’s your choice: AEG Fish Bums 1: Mongolia DVD or Kerplunk by Patrick McManus?

Whichever one you don’t choose will be summarily awarded to the commenter whose post I deem most worthy.

We carry a heavy burden at the Underground; we believe in providing a Quality Fly Fishing Online Entertainment Experience, and when you’re not looking, we throw in a few fishing reports, photographs, informational articles, industry snark news and "what the hell are they doing" environmental posts.

Of course, we’re also the Fly Fishing Blogosphere’s Leader in Giving Stuff Away (which frankly isn’t saying much).

Today, we’ve got a twofer going — the winner gets to chose between an AEG Fish Bum 1: Mongolia DVD, or a copy of Patrick McManus’ Kerplunk (outdoor humor essays).

     
Win an AEG DVD or McManus’ latest humor book (Kerplunk)

"How can I win one of these incredibly valuable prizes" you ask?

Simple. Post a comment stating — in your own, incredibly lucid prose — whether you reel left or right (if you reel neither, then pick one and pretend).

We’ll award bonus points for those comments that hint at the deviancy of the other camp, and then chuck ‘em all and pick a winner based on a random number generated by atmospheric noise.

See — at the Underground, the giving never stops. Never.

See you at the random number generator, Tom Chandler.

It’s not as if I’m supremely confident or anything, but I figure I’m a lock to win a three-man Creek Company pontoon boat.

After all, my slacker overemployed readers are too lazy busy to go to the Creek Company Web site and register to win the thing, so the final drawing will simply be a contest between me and a few other layabouts.

Still, in case you’ve got a few minutes, the Creek Company is running an email list building exercise — which could generate a little upside for you (a $2K boat).

Win it, and hell, you could chuck your job and become a bitter, underpaid, unloved successful fly fishing guide. Winner!

While You’re At It

Don’t forget to enter in HMH’s drawing for a free Spartan fly tying vise and tube fly converter. It’s a killer vise and no, you’ll never, ever beat the price.

At the Underground, the insatiable greed well-being of our readers is foremost in our thoughts each and every day. Every day.

See you stuffing freebies down your pants, Tom Chandler.

Technorati Tags: creek company, free stuff, hmh, more free stuff, pontoon boat

If it’s one thing the Underground’s all about, it’s our committment to delivering better than you puffs deserve lots of free stuff.

After I put an extremely valuable well, free copy of Patrick McManus’ Kerplunk! on the line, we spared no expense in our search for a cheap and easy unimpeachably fair method of determining a winner.

Once again, I ended up at Random.org — the free online random number generator which costs nothing uses atmospheric noise to generate truly random integers (a rarity in the computer world).

I carefully removed the duplicate posts, fired up Random.org, and picked the comment posted by Alert Underground Freeloader Reader Mad Dog.

[sfx: crowd going wild, confetti being thrown, Hooters Girls running on stage, ballons popping, yadda yadda...]

And that’s not all:

Final “Has the Recession/Gas Prices Affected Your Fishing Plans” Poll Numbers:

Yes – 77
No – 111

There you are. Free literature and quality public polling data. Clearly, it’s Pulitzer Year at the Underground, baby. A Pulitzer.

Tags: fly fishing, kerplunk, fishing, patrick mcmanus, contest

In the late 90s, I wrote a series of ads for the ill-fated Cope & McPhetres fly shop, which closed after the owners realized they could make a bazillion percent more profit selling boat parts instead of tippet material.

The above ad was particularly popular (the customers kept repeating the headline to the staff), but it reminded me we’re facing some pretty turbulent times right now.

The economy’s slowing. By summer, gas will soar over $4/gallon. Houses aren’t selling, investment banks are collapsing, consumer credit is tightening, and yes, we’re facing a few other things I won’t bother to mention.

Has All the Turmoil Affected Your Fishing Plans?

Are you reconsidering your fly fishing travel plans?

Staying closer to home? Buying less gear?  Trying to make your own tippet with a pasta maker and a double boiler?

In January, I asked the Undergrounders to discuss their 2008 fly fishing plans. Now I’m asking you to take a deep breath, and think for a second.

Has the bad news changed those plans?

My answer is (surprisingly) "Yes" — though I’ll save the explanation for later. What’s yours?

Yes, You Win Something Just For Playing

The poll below is just to tally the big picture; I really would like you to also add your thoughts in the comment section.

And to make it worth your while, I’ll randomly select a winner from the comment section below (using atmospheric scattering to generate a random number) and send you a FREE copy of Kerplunk by outdoor humorist Patrick McManus.

It won’t help you find a job, sell your house, or make gas more affordable, but while you’re reading it, you may just forget about all that crap.

See you in the cheap seats, Tom Chandler.

Technorati Tags: bad news, fishing, Fly Fishing, recession, travel plans

Does sensational media coverage taint people’s perception of the outdoors to the point that they’re simply afraid of it?

I stumbled across an excellent podcast series that asks this very question (via Tom Mangan’s hiking blog). The two-part podcast is worth a listen (Sargeant’s stuff largely kicks ass), as are these excerpts of reader comments on Mangan’s blog:

From Dan Mitchell:
I’ll never forget the time I casually mentioned to one of my work colleagues who has (I now clearly understand) led an entirely indoor life that I was planning a short pack trip. She ripped into me for acting foolishly and dangerously and risking my life and putting the futures of my children in danger. There was no explaining…

Randy L:
I cracked up a few weeks ago when one of our office workers spotted a turkey outside the window near her workspace. Our building is very near the wetlands beyond 237, and we commonly see ducks, seabirds, various rodents, and such. She was actually scared of it. She was saying “oh my god” “what about diseases”, and “do they bite?” “Should we call security?”, things like that.

Sure, you don’t tangle with Marauding Packs of Killer Turkeys every time you head out into the backcountry, but you have to wonder about the “Wild IQ” of people who think you do — or people who think backpacking involves risks on a par with spearfishing for sharks.

Danger, Will Robinson. Danger.

Every report we’ve seen cites the decline in participation in outdoor sports (the Internet and video games are seen as culprits). Does the popular, somewhat sensational media play a role?

After all, the only time you hear about mountain climbers is when they die; the only media attention given mountain lions comes during their very infrequent attacks.

Years ago, — while suiting up at a fishing access — I was confronted by a woman who wanted to know why I was “risking my life” (presumably in the raging waters of the river) “just to catch some silly fish.”

She was nice about it, but it’s hard to answer a question when you disagree with the basic premise. Suggesting that I was in more danger on the drive to the river (down I-5) didn’t make much of an impression, and I wonder how she would have reacted to a backcountry skier.

A Question of Risk

Does the average “indoor” person believe wild animals are hanging right on the fringes of the darkness, waiting for dinner some foolish human to wander by?

Do people really perceive wild turkeys as a threat?

Is the wilderness really more dangerous than your average freeway at rush hour?

And how many wild turkeys (the animal kind, not the bottled version) would it take to kill a pair of fly fishermen?

Weigh in Undergrounders; do you have any stories/opinions/rants to share about the public’s perception of wilderness?

Technorati Tags: two heel drive,wildebeat,wilderness,popular media,fly fishing

Technorati Tags: popular media, two heel drive, wildebeat, wilderness

The eagle-eyed among you have already noticed the sidebar banner ad announcing the HMH fly tying vise giveaway. After all, you’re Undergrounders, so you’re cheap bastards thrifty types, and free stuff tends to catch your eye.

Basically, you hand HMH your email address (they’ll eventually send you a newsletter, and promise not to spam you or offer your email address to anyone else), and they’ll enter you to win an HMH Spartan Vise and a Tube Fly Convertor.

That’s it. Easy, eh?

Yes. Hell Yes.

Frankly, when HMH mentioned a contest and said they wanted to advertise it on the Underground, I loved the idea. And yeah, when I realized that an advertiser probably shouldn’t enter the contest, I was bummed (I’ve tied on an HMH Standard for many, many years).

Still, what’s good for the Undergrounders is good for the Underground, and hardly anything’s better than free stuff.

So thanks to HMH for throwing down a little bit of their marketing budget and supporting the Trout Underground and the other Underground Writer’s sites (Singlebarbed, The Day Tripper, and Fly Fish Chick).

No fly fishing blog is currently attracting much in the way of ad dollars, and it’s nice to see that HMH is interested in the online world at the grassroots level.

The contest runs until June 1, and yes, their vises rock. To enter, just click on the ad in the sidebar, drop your email in the slot on the landing page, and you’re in. Even a fly tyer could do it.

See you at the Freebie Aisle, Tom Chandler.

Technorati Tags: fly tying,hmh,hmh vise,spartan vise,tube flies,free stuff

Technorati Tags: Fly Tying, free stuff, hmh, hmh vise, spartan vise, tube flies

At the Trout Underground, we call a spade a spade.

So when the Online Dating Task Force at Trout Underground/Man Cave World Headquarters dreams up a surefire winner like Catch.com — a dating service reserved exclusively for fly fishers — we’re not shy about saying it’s sheer genius, baby.

Genius.

And hell, that’s just the tip of the fly rod.

Kissing too many carp in your search for a prince? (Torvald Lekvam photo)

We’re also tooling up Catch&Release.com — a dating service for those unwilling (or unable) to make a lasting commitment.

We’re even idly considering IPrettyMuchHateYou.com — the dating service for resentful trout bums and most steelheaders.

Is This Good, Or What?

If you’ve read this far (and who wouldn’t), you realize we’re not the kind of fly fishers who waste energy brainstorming more realistic anal gills on midge patterns.

No sir. We’re Big Picture types — hard at work improving our wealth position the lot of the single or divorced fly fisher (which seems to be most of them).

And we need your help to do it.

This Is The Audience Participation Part

Clearly, the Underground’s not suffering from a shortage of high-powered intellects, but here at Man Cave Headquarters, we’re largely unwilling to get our hands dirty doing actual work.

So we want the Undergrounders to do it for us.

What do we need? Marketing, baby. We need advertising slogans and headlines.

So far, we’ve come up with improved versions of those mind-numbing Match.com ads, where the happy couple gaze into each other’s eyes and say sappy things.

We figure we’d just rip them off (hell, they look pretty cheap to produce), and so far, we’ve got:

“The second she got her hands on my Trout, I knew she was the one for me.”

“Once he showed me pictures of his great, big Steelhead, I fell in love on the spot.”

“When I saw him expertly gut and clean that stockie, I was basically afraid to say no.”

Genius all, but we need more, and we’re willing to give away yet another copy of Patrick McManus’ new outdoor humor book to get it.

Yes, it’s another valuable prize from the Underground!

Got a killer headline? A better concept? An idea so good, you’ll risk public humiliation to publish it?

If so, fire away, Undergrounders. We’ll give it a week or so, at which time we’ll let Wally the Wonderdog pick a winner (we print the entries, place them on the floor with treats on them, and see which he eats first).

Clearly, the fate of fly fishing’s huddled masses of single people now lies with you. We know you’ll give it the respect it deserves.

Technorati Tags: fly fishing,fishing,online dating,catch.com,trout,steelhead,match.com

Technorati Tags: catch.com, fishing, Fly Fishing, online dating, steelhead, trout

You’ve no doubt been holding your breath — waiting to see which of you lucky bastards was going to win a free copy of Patrick McManus’ new book Kerplunk.

Because we’re all about high-tech here at the Underground, I found a Random Number Generator that uses atmospheric “noise” to generate truly random numbers.

This impressively scientific process (always nice to see the Internet fully employed in the service of mankind) resulted in the integer “9″ — a lucky number indeed for book winner “Ethan” (who should contact me to receive his book).

Let the revelry begin!

More wildly valuable giveaways coming soon. See you at the freebie counter, Tom Chandler.

Technorati Tags: book, Contest, kerplunk, patrick mcmanus

This weekend, the L&T Nancy will pick a random number, and one of you will weep for joy when you receive the news: you’re the lucky winner in the Trout Underground’s “Kerplunk” giveaway contest.

It’s the latest book by outdoor humorist Patrick McManus, whose hilarious essays about his hunting and fishing misadventures killed me when I read them in high school.

The rules are simple: post a comment here about the outdoor writer who first made an impression on you. We pick the winner at random based on the comment number (your first comment counts). You win, and everyone weeps bitterly. (Life is hard.)

So get your entry in by Midnight Saturday.

See you giving away the free schwag, Tom Chandler.

Technorati Tags: Contest, fishing, Fly Fishing, giveaway, kerplunk, mcmanus, outdoor humor, patrick mcmanus