The seemingly endless desire on the part of fly fishermen for detailed “how-to” fly fishing articles has riled the world’s trout, whose contempt for anglers has reached a boiling point.

“You’d think that sooner or later they’d get it, and just get their asses out the door and go fly fishing,” said one rainbow trout, who refused to identify his location out of fear that “every noob with a bobbicator would show up and start setting the hook at the end of each drift – just like they’d read – and I’d end up with somebody’s hook in my ass.”

It’s only one example of the trout population’s increasing frustration with fly fishing’s over-informed anglers, who – as one sizable brown trout put it – “are just fucking addicted to Czech nymphing articles.”

“I mean, how many damn podcasts do you guys listen to anyway?”

The brown trout added “Don’t you people have jobs? Families?”

A Westslope Cutthroat trout added “Do you sad, pathetic losers really need an article outlining strategies for untangling your leader?”

“I’m surprised Dr. Seuss isn’t fly fishing’s leading writer” the Cutt said.

“And to think you assholes make fun of my pea-sized brain.”

The Cutthroat trout seemed poised to say more, but got distracted by a bright, shiny object floating overhead, and swam off.

Anglers were quick to dismiss the criticism as the product of “just one small school of whining trout,” though that charge was quickly countered by a Bull trout speaking from the very bottom of a big, slow, remote, dark pool:

“Look at the thousands of “how-to” books, the hundreds of thousands of magazine articles, and add all the advice (good and bad) flying around the Internet, and you don’t have a body of knowledge – you’ve got evidence of addiction.”

Reporting live from April 1, this is Tom Chandler.

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