I cannot begin to describe the gravity of what you’re about to see, even as I feel a wave of compassion wash over me for the hapless victim, who – after getting his ass wholly and completely kicked by a goose – couldn’t muster up words stronger than “gah” and “darn.”
In public, I’d laugh at this unfortunate angler in a manly manner (using my chiseled jaw and rock-hard pecs to reinforce the manliness of my laugh), but privately, I’d have to admit – in a shamed, trembling, girly man voice – that I too was once the victim of a Random Goose Attack [hangs head].
The memories of that decades-ago, Goose-driven ass kicking still haunts me deeply. So a few years ago – when I stepped too close to an unseen goose nest while fly fishing in Tennessee and heard the Awful Hiss of Doom – I suffered a flashback that would have made a Vietnam Veteran proud.
To my credit, I didn’t drop my fly rod and run screaming along the bank, anticipating the Honk of Certain Death directly behind my right ear.
No indeed.
I held onto my fly rod as I ran screaming, so later – as I walked by that busload of now-amused Japanese tourists – I could hold my head high.
To this day, I still remember the original feathered assault… the outstretched wings beating fiercely… the terrible honking noise… the awful flashing beak delivering its pile-driver like blows to my (ahem) sensitive regions…
I’m getting kinda sweaty just writing about it. So I’m going to stop, and just curl up in the fetal position for a few minutes.
Discuss.
(Found via the Goat)
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow, that’s quite a nice video. Poor guy! But, isn’t one of the first rules of kayaking to learn how to do a “wet entry”? I own a kayak, and have never put it in water, but still, i’m pretty darn sure that’s suppose to be what you do. You don’t need hypothermia setting in…..on a warm sunny day like he was fishing. Guys Flies and Pies(Quote)
Learning a wet entry won’t protect you from the Coming Avian Apocalypse (see below). Tom Chandler(Quote)
Ouch. Rings a bell with your story last year about the coming Avian Apocalypse (http://troutunderground.com/2009/08/13/meet-your-new-avian-overlords)
Now imagine that was a swan attacking you. Oh wait….. we don’t have to imagine, it already happened.
http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=PDMdAAAAIBAJ&sjid=f6UEAAAAIBAJ&pg=4200,1766634&hl=en Ed(Quote)
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who’s noticed the gathering avian storm clouds. I didn’t want to sound the alarm yet – lest the Underground be surrounded by birds bent on silencing me.
Those who Don’t Believe should watch the Hitchcock documentary titled simply The Birds. Tom Chandler(Quote)
Wow, now that fishing has become a full contact hazardous sport maybe more people will get involved.
Great video find.
Tight lines Fish Whisperer(Quote)
Today on Fly Fishermen TV – Extreeeeme fly fishing ass kickings… Tom Chandler(Quote)
Wow, never seen a guy take it that hard from a bird before.
Where were you fishing in Tenn Tom? Battenkill Special(Quote)
Believe me, some have taken it much harder…
Little River – GSMNP Tom Chandler(Quote)
It is shameful to admit I enjoyed the video and your flashback commentary very much? Both stories make for excellent late night campfire chat. Horror with a touch of laughter always replays well after the fact. Rebecca(Quote)
It’s the extreme digital era – there’s no shame in mocking others… That’s just so old fashioned… Tom Chandler(Quote)
And oh yeah – what’s a “Pro Kayak Angler” anyway?? Tom Chandler(Quote)
My first thought.
Is there, like, a Pro Kayak Angler circuit? fishskicanoe(Quote)
You know, I was laughing so hard during the video that my Girlfriend came in….
I showed her the video… and her only response was ‘I can’t imagine he makes that much money being a pro-kayak angler’. Battenkill Special(Quote)
Man, attacked by geese ….. being stalked by cougars …… faced up by bears …… this damned fly fishing is becoming a full contact sport.
Mike olddog(Quote)
Clearly, once again this is a wholly misunderstood video. The goose was clearly trying to get up on the guy’s shoulders so he could see better. There was no attack. No biting, no pecking (watch the slow motion again.) No, this was clearly just a friendly attempt by the bird to get a better perch because he was interested in what kayak boy was doing. Why even the hapless fishermen stated the birds were overly friendly for an hour prior.
No my friends, so that we don’t demonize our fowl feathered friends, I urge you, no, beseech you to view the video again with fresh eyes. It is misunderstood cultural encounters like this that start wars. Smarter and Better Looking Brother(Quote)
I’m not sure that was an “attack” in the way y’all are assuming. I’m thinking the goose actually was trying to add to its harem. I had an ornithology class once in the 70s, so that qualifies me as an expert Waterboy(Quote)
Plus, you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express… Tom Chandler(Quote)
Tom,
Only someone who has likewise been assaulted by an angry goose can appreciate your visceral reaction to this video.
Many years ago, I was goose hunting along Honey Lake, near Susanville (Lassen County, CA) and I succeeded with a rare lucky shot and downed of these game birds. As I wandered over to pick up my trophy I quickly realized that a) the bird was not even close to being expired and b) the damn thing was the size of a pterodactyl…only more pissed off.
My first thought was to go over and “simply” ring its neck, until it got up and spread its wings to the width of a Cesna 182.
My second thought was to shoot it again, but I figured at that close range, a Remington 870 12 gauge wouldn’t leave me much to eat beyond feathers and guts.
Finally, I had the Darwin Award candidate, not-so-bright idea to use my shotgun as a “weapon” by holding onto the barrel and swinging the butt end towards the head of the goose as it ran—honking loudly—around the plowed field covered in snow, with me in a madcap chase.
Off in the distance, I could hear my “friends” laughing hysterically and yelling something about unloading the gun. It was shortly thereafter I gave up goose hunting (but the nightmares linger). A. Wannabe Travelwriter(Quote)