Why You May Be Reading About The Underground In The Newspaper (Or, Why Me, and Why Sporting Clays?)

For some reason, people often ask me to do things I’m not good at instead of the things I’m really good at, which is why I should have expected THE CALL – the one where I was invited to participate in a charity event involving sporting clays (a form of shotgun competition meant to replicate real field conditions).

All the caller knew is that someone had recently given me a heavily used, slightly rusted 20 gauge over/under shotgun and that I wrote some kind of outdoor blog, which in their mind qualified me to compete, despite the fact I’ve actually fired the shotgun the following number of times:

Four.

Naturally – because I am suffering from sleep-deprivation-driven hallucinations – I accepted.

Sure, it’s a good cause and all, and – as my readers know well – I sometimes simply do dumb things.

Let’s be clear; me shooting a sporting clays competition is a lot like me taking on Steve Rajeff with a 7′ 3wt (and a flimsy one), but now that I think about it, it’s actually much worse.

After all, my capacity for committing mayhem with a fly rod is several orders of magnitude less than my capacity for mayhem when holding a shotgun (even a dignified Browning 20 gauge over & under).

In fact, I can already envision several scenarios involving my shotgun and somebody’s else’s brand new, gloss-black SUV, and for my own sake, I’m going to stop writing for just a minute, close my eyes, and go to my Happy Place (where there are no gloss black SUVs).

…

There. I’m better. Sorta.

Though I still wonder why nobody ever calls to offer a competition in something I do well (which could include the following Brilliant Contest Ideas):

• Falling In The River In Full View of Hot Angling Babes
• Wrapping My last Beetle Bug Around The Tail of a Now Pissed-Off Bull
• Saying Precisely The Wrong Thing At The Wrong Time To My Wife

More To Come…

But because this complex story clearly demands one (and they’re all the rage these days), I’ve compiled the Underground’s First “By The Numbers” Infographic, which you lucky bastards can now use to Quickly and Easily Digest Important Facts About This Post:

Naturally, you’ll hear and see nothing about this Saturday’s Pending Shotgun-Related Disaster unless I get on a hot streak, or can actually round up a few hundred target loads (it’s not easy when you live in the boonies) and sneak in a little practice.

See you on range, Tom Chandler.

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Tagged as: real bad ideas, shotgun, sporting clays