I was kneeling beside the trail, parsing a jumbled mix of bear, deer and raccoon tracks when it occurred to me I could solve a client’s marketing problem without spending a lot of their money, and that yes – I definitely could swing a pair of fishing trips during the upcoming week.

That’s a productive hike no matter how you slice it, but my third realization was even more global in nature: More, better ideas occur to me when I’m hiking, fishing or shooting instead of hanging out in my office or “interacting” with the Internet.

Naturally – like any good fly fisherman looking to avoid adult responsibilities spend more time on the water – I realized the inescapable, logical conclusion:

If I spent twice as much time on the river, I’d have twice as many good ideas.

Four times as much time on the water? At least 4x the ideas.

More importantly, if I spent all my time outdoors, I could generate brilliant solutions by the bushel, ultimately saving humanity from the horrible fate that surely awaits it.

From streamside, I’d broadcast a mind-bending series of elegant, brilliant solutions to the world’s most vexing problems (first up are those irritating car alarms, then I take on that plastic blister packaging that you can’t open until you’ve severed your thumb with a knife).

Frankly, the elegance of my thinking amazes even me (and that’s not easy, because clearly, I’m a genius).

All that’s left is convincing humanity to basically pay me to live outdoors.

And I know I can count on the Undergrounders for support.

After all, as the world’s leading outdoor-based Poet/Philosopher/Warlord/Modern-Day-DaVinci/Problem Solver, I’ll be ideally situated to address the assembled Undergrounder’s lack of river time.

All it will take is for each of you to send me a sizable check. After a couple months chasing the west’s best dry fly hatches on your dime, I’m sure I’ll have a solution.

I know I can. Certain of it.

See you [making the world a better place] in the outdoors, Tom Chandler.

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