Two days ago the temperatures reached record (baking) highs, and while I sighted in a .22 rifle at a nearby range, the midday sun toasted me like beer-battered bluegill fillet.

I wondered where spring had gone – and why it had lasted exactly 1.5 days. This morning, I’m wondering why winter won’t go away. It’s 33 degrees, and yes, that’s snow falling (lots more has fallen since I took the picture).

For some reason, I think the trout season is almost here.

For some reason, I think trout season is almost here.

Some might simply chalk this up to the vagaries of weather. At the Trout Underground, we know better.

We join with our Black Helicopter brethren in calling for the Illuminati (or the UN, or the Democrats, or the Republicans, or Nestle, or the WTO, or the Trilateral Commission or…) to turn off their damn weather machines and let things return to normal.

You see, while the world’s investigative journalists putter about with stories of torture, crime, corruption and Lindsay Lohan, the Trout Underground has uncovered incontrovertible evidence of the Biggest Conspiracy Ever Reported on the Internet, and it turns out this damnable weather is simply one aspect of a larger, more sinister plan.

Frankly, I’ll be happy to get this one out in public. I have a feeling I’m being watched; even Wally the Wonderdog’s been eyeing me strangely (TU Question of the Day: Wally the Wonderdog – dumb lab mix, or beautifully disguised Agent of Darkness? You decide:)

wallymug

Once the world’s major news gathering organizations realize the enormity of what we’re reporting, they’ll hang their inverted pyramid-shaped heads in investigative reporting shame.

And finally, I’ll be safe.

Here’s the scoop: Evidence proves our economic system has fallen into the tight, sweaty grasp of a small group of rich, influential, warmwater-and-marxism loving Brownli

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