Underground Fave Enviro writer Ted Williams blew the whistle on the American Museum of Fly Fishing for their
plan to host Darth Dick Cheney as a guest speaker at their spring meeting.
Williams - never shy about calling it as he sees it - put his scalpel-sharp prose to work on a
satirical piece that almost had me shooting slaw dog out my nose, including the two passages I've excerpted below.
In the first, he's speaking about the museum:
Then it hatched a form letter (at this writing under review by the vice president's staff) in which it offers lengthy and incomprehensible excuses for inviting Cheney, while likening him to Jimmy Carter and Franklin Roosevelt. It then implores Cheney's critics to "continue to support the museum and its mission." I will certainly do so, and to prove it, I have redrafted the form letter for the museum, at no charge:
"Dear [name]: We need to generate revenue, so we searched hard and long for a guest of honor who would fill the room at our spring meeting. Finally, we hit upon Dick Cheney, arguably the most dangerous enemy of fish in our generation. What's more, Mr. Cheney, who angles for trout in Wyoming in one of the rivers he hasn't ruined with gas and oil extraction (which happens to run through his ranch) is an accomplished and safe fly caster. In fact, he hasn't wounded even one of his fishing companions.
"We completely understand that applying green lipstick to this arch environmental villain, aptly dubbed "˜Darth Vader' in fish and wildlife conservation circles, is outright whoring. But that's the genius of our plan. This kind of prostitution is legal and no less lucrative than the standard, unlawful variety."
Williams is not finished, and this next bit is my absolute favorite part:
"Please recall also our mission statement: "˜The American Museum of Fly Fishing promotes an understanding of and appreciation for the history, traditions, and practitioners, past and present, of the sport of fly fishing.' You cannot deny that a major part of that history and those traditions is the systematic destruction of rivers by special interests and the politicians who front for them.
Can there be a better choice than traditional practitioner Dick Cheney"”the man who gave the West the biggest fish kill it has ever seen when he attempted to wean Klamath River Chinook salmon from water, who trashed the Endangered Species Act, who virtually canceled the Clean Air and Clean Water acts, who suppressed science, who ruined the lives of dedicated resource professionals, and who ran Christine Todd Whitman out of the Environmental Protection Agency?
Want more? Read the whole article at the
The Missoula Independent Online