Why Fly Fishing’s Sometimes Good, Sometimes Bad (Introducing the Gross Happiness Index)

It’s warm (by winter standards) and raining, and our formerly pristine, powdery snow drifts are rapidly turning into what’s appropriately called “rotten” snow – crunchy, slippery stuff that isn’t good for walking, skiing – or much of anything.

The icicles ringing the roof of the Trout Underground/Man Cave World Headquarters have melted away, and the ski park – which just opened before Christmas – is watching its snow disappear. It’s like the messy, muddy spring weather, only without hope of warmer weather ahead.

With 40 degree highs forecast for this week, the outlook for skiers isn’t good.

For that matter, the outlook for fly fishermen isn’t all that great either.

Warm temperatures (and worse, warm rain) melt the snow on the ground and spike river flows, which are currently rising, though at a still-fishable 500 cfs (expect these to continue their upward trend).

You never speak of such things in absolutes without looking like a complete moron (you can’t be everywhere at once, and somebody’s always got a secret something going somewhere), but the Upper Sacramento’s BWO hatch has been spotty at best.

Winter’s coming to my neck of the woods a little later than normal – only a couple weeks ago it was clear and warm during the day, and damned cold at night. Hoar frost was building up just under the surface of the powdery soil on some nearby walking trails, creating a false surface supported by long, thin strands of ice.

Wally the Wonderdog and I would hike on what appeared to be a solid dirt path, leaving 2″ deep footprints behind us.

I wouldn’t classify it as surreal; more a reminder that nature doesn’t always act like we expect it to, especially if our expectations are fueled by lifetimes spent in unnatural environments.

Balloon Payments, and Paying Dues

The Upper Sacramento’s poor BWO hatch is clearly an Immediate Karmic Balloon Payment for our stunningly good, extended-way-too-long October Caddis bite, which saw us catching big trout on big dries until the first few days of truly bad weather.

Like the killer Green Drake hatch of two years ago, the fly fishing was almost too good – if you suffered from a proper upper midwest upbringing, you’d firmly believe you didn’t deserve that kind of success.

Later, you’d remember all the fruitless hikes along the river, the skunkings, and the hatches/spinner falls that never came off despite the absolutely, almost painfully perfect conditions, but because of your upbringing, you’d never think to say anything.

They’d think you were complaining, or worse, bragging.

Still, on several occasions, I strongly hinted the Undergrounders should abandon their families and jobs and race up for what was probably the best dry fly fishing of the year, but frightening numbers of you clung to your adult responsibilities like, well, adults.

While we appreciate your nose-to-the-grindstone contribution to the faltering Gross National Product (GNP), frankly, you weren’t doing much for the Underground’s just-implemented Gross Happiness Index (GHI).

The Underground’s Crack Staff of Analysts & People In Charge of Generating Numbers That Back Our Theories assure us the GHI has been falling for some time now, and despite costly infusions of dry fly capital, the GHI credit market remains locked up.

Unfortunately, it’s winter, and save an unexpectedly strong ice bite or sudden resurgence in underperforming BWO derivatives, it looks like the GHI will remain poor until spring, when I fully expect you bastards to drag your asses to your nearest fly fishing water and boost the GHI.

We’ll provide as much information stimulus as possible. Do it for your country.

See you propping up GHI, Tom Chandler.

fly fishing, upper sacramento river, fishing, gross happiness index