It’s Friday here at the Trout Underground, where revenge isn’t so much a dish served cold as it is the Ultimate Goal of the Universe.
Fortunately, that vengeful bunch at Orvis have delivered into our hands the Osprey Kite – the Underground’s Official Bird of Prey Revenge Kite.
Unfortunately, Orvis’ vision is limited; they suggest the Osprey Kite is a good way to “keep unwanted birds and pests from deck, dock, or garden.”
The Underground knows better. With a 44″ wingspan, this realistic Osprey simulation – complete with hapless trout in its claws – will cast a dark, osprey-shaped shadow on the water, sending each and every fish in the area scurrying for cover.
Those annoying fly fishermen who waded across the river ten feet above you, putting down your rising trout? They’ll never even see a fish once you’ve flown the the Revenge Kite over their water – something you can do from a nice, safe, upwind distance.
It’s the perfect gift for any fly fishermen with uncontrollable anger issues (that’s most of you), and for this priceless gift of knowledge, we ask nothing in return.
Why? It’s just what we do. We give, damnit. We give.
See you at anger management class, Tom Chandler
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
You KNOW who’s first in line for this magnificent invention.
Just hope that it can be outfitted with armament, too. Sully(Quote)
Lightweight, transportable… I knew it. Still, if armed conflict is the goal, perhaps an RC plane would be a better choice. Tom Chandler(Quote)
Tom,
I also sell these kites and they are pretty cool. I lot of folks up here buy them to keep birds off their boats and docks.
We have a place on the Missouri between Cascade and Craig and get a lot of geese coming up off the river and fouling the lawn. I sent a few of these ospreys out and the geese cleared out for two house above and below us. A nice side effect is they may also cause the trout to hunker down for a while. Anything that keeps the guides from anchoring in front of the house and poaching our “home trout” is good. HScott(Quote)
HScott- Are you above or below Stickney? Sully(Quote)
Sully,
We actually have a couple places and they are both downriver from Stickney. The first is just below where the Dearborn comes in and the other is just past the Gary Cooper Bridge. HScott(Quote)
HScott,
So YOU’RE the reason the fish are always skittish down there.
Wonderful product- especially for the stated purpose. Sully(Quote)
You know what else works really well for keeping the fish down? Having a family just upriver who have a ton of kids who love to spend all day floating on tubes, throwing rocks, fishing with bait and shooting BB guns right through your favorite section of wading water. 100% effective! HScott(Quote)
And then those pesky kids get hauled off to bed just at dark and the dry fly fishing gets stupid good, right?? At least that’s how it works over here in tropical MT. The other thing that helps keep the guide boats at bay is to have three or four Labs (borrow a few if you need to) and use the hole for “training” with lot’s of bumper retrieves (singles, doubles, blinds, etc.). You can really go whole hog and hang a sign advertising your water dog training kennels. As they say, it keeps the riff-raff away. Taku(Quote)
Frankly, the level of deceit found in the Underground community is disappointing; why has no one suggested a truly Grandmaster-level gambit in the form of a sign: “Danger: High-Power Rifle Firing Range For Beginning Shooters With Poor Eyesight and Burgeoning Palsy Issues.”
Sure, it seems like a lie, but who’d take the chance? Tom Chandler(Quote)
I don’t need a kite to keep the fish hiding for fear. All I have to do is pull up the waders and grab my gear and they are all sure to run for cover. Steven De(Quote)
Its not just piscivorous birds and truants that can ruin your angling day.
One year a massive opportunistic flock of Franklin’s Gulls significantly disrupted the fabled Green Drake hatch on the Henry’s Fork. The gulls would swoop down and pick the big bugs right off the water. Happily rising trout, uncertain of the birds’ intent, would stop and drop.
A bunch of us Phillips Lodge regulars hit upon the idea of a “mad minute”. We would smuggle shotguns onto the Railroad Ranch and open up on the gulls at a pre-determined time the next day. We took special, liquored glee in the prospect of shooting gulls so close to the State of Utah.
The pre-ordained time came and went without a single shot being fired.
Probably a good thing the Minutemen weren’t fly fishermen, but maybe the stakes were bigger for them. Sully(Quote)