I admit it. I’m a screwup.
At least that’s what my close, personal friends at Washington Mutual bank were quick to tell me every time I made a mistake with my WaMu checking account.
Yeah, a pair of times I didn’t transfer money into that account quickly enough, or - heaven forgive me - there was that time I transferred money out instead of in (yes, I did that).
When I did those things, I’d get a note. It didn’t say “You screwed up, you brainless squid, and we’re charging you $75 for the privilege.”
But it might as well have. And the fees charged were certainly real.
One morning not so long ago, I woke up to learn Washington Mutual had been seized by the Federal Government, then sold to JPMorgan Chase, WaMu rendered insolvent by a series of really, really bad decisions.
The sort of decisions, frankly, you’d make if you were a brainless squid.
The default didn’t affect me all that much, and I rarely keep much money in that account, but then, how much did it really affect WaMu when I overdrew that checking account by $1.18 (yes)?
Still, in keeping with the spirit of the relationship established early on by my friends at WaMu, I’m mailing you a letter outlining the harm suffered the morning I discovered you’d screwed up.
It also explains the $50 “Insolvency Fee” I’m charging you (just deposit it directly into my account, thank you).
I’m sorry it had to come this (and naturally, don’t expect a “thank you” after the deposit’s been made), but this is apparently the kind of thing that happens when you make brainless-squid-level decisions.
At least that’s been my experience.
I do hope that after I’ve charged you an outlandish and arbitrary fee that we can still be friends.
Sincerely,
Tom Chandler
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Well said. You can be pretty sure just about any business is living on the edge when they forgo the concept of “long term relationship” to pick the pennies out of your pocket.
Nice letter. How are you planning to spend that $50.00?
Did I say $50? I meant $75.
ain’t karma cool?
Hahaha!
Are you going to go ahead and write checks based on that $75 deposit. If you do and the check bounces, you can then charge them additional fees.
So, you’re comparing WaMu to a squid? Seems to me a bit unfair to the Squid.
My apologies to squid.
Excellent!
I had a Washington Mutual account for many years…at the time I thought I was a financial moron because without fail, I would owe the bank money for something every month or so…When I started dating my (soon to be ) wife she analyzed my records and found that I wasn’t as stupid as I had always figured- “WAMU” was actually playing fast and loose with deposits and debits to manipulate my account into “problems”….I moved my money to a well known local bank with a good reputation and suddenly -with no real change in my habits- I don’t have fees popping up on a monthly basis… It was pretty hard not to smile when I noticed that Washington Mutual was one of the banks in trouble…
Brett: More than a few people have said the same. It’s important to note that regional and local banks - by and large - aren’t suffering the same greed-driven maladies of the huge firms.
Funny, but I’d had similar problems with Washington Mutual’s strange fees, which disappeared when I left them. Let’s not forget though, that our current situation is and was largely caused by our own elected officials who MANDATED a huge increase in reckless, sub-prime lending, guaranteed by the GSEs. And you’ve gotta love how they then stand atop the soapbox and blame it all on Wall Street’s greed, allowed of course by lack of regulation.
The smaller local banks were still allowed to practice sound banking/lending principles.