Fly fishermen have a love/hate relationship with alarm clocks.
They’re necessary if you want to catch that early Trico hatch, but they’re loud and annoying (sorta like Donny Beaver), and sometimes you fall asleep again.
Those problems, Undergrounders, have been solved by what is surely Mankind’s Greatest Advance in Sleep Interruption Technology Since the Invention of the Baby:
Meet the Wake ‘n Bacon – the first alarm clock that cooks a strip of bacon ten minutes before your alarm goes off, so when you wake up, you’ve got a delicious strip of hot, salted meat waiting for you.
Frankly, in a very real example of Shock and Awe, I’m struck speechless by the elegant, hogfat-driven simplicity of this device.
There’s simply no way to ignore the smell of bacon in the morning (it smells like victory). All our troubles are over.
See you in the meat department, Tom Chandler.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Only one strip? You start off the morning fighting with the spouse and loyal canine (whose sleeps at his masters feet) over whose strip it is?
Doesn’t seem like it has much of a future as someone is likely to throw it at someone else. kbarton10(Quote)
Now that’s an alarm clock I could get use to. I can’t wait till the upgrade when it makes scrambled eggs and fresh orange juice! oatka(Quote)
Actually, that pan looks like it might be good for a couple strips – or perhaps even a butterflied sausage or two… Tom Chandler(Quote)
mornings just got even better Salty(Quote)
C’mon! I mean, when do we realize that we just need to slow down and not be so danged rushed in everything we do? Man, that’s pathet….ooops, excuse me, I gotta go – my toothbrush just alerted me that it is done brewing my coffee. Tom Sorenson(Quote)
Genius. Dave(Quote)
Thats what the fire marshal will say when he’s draping the body bag over the casualties.
Nothing like a good grease fire to put spring in your stride… kbarton10(Quote)
A wooden clock, a red-hot heating element, a pan of bacon grease and a sleeping person, and you somehow see a house fire there?
Don’t be silly. Tom Chandler(Quote)
kbarton, I agree. I don’t want the wifey, the daughterperson, the two dogs, the three cats, and the numerous denizens of the cave to be lined up waiting for me to reach for that tasty strip of meat. A fella could lose a hand that way!
Besides, I’m allergic to bacon. That’s my story; and it explains why I never can keep any of it in the house.
Why not make it a steamin’ plate of chorizo chilaquiles, Tom? That way, you can toss some about to distract the riff-raff and STILL have plenty left over!
I’m off the patent office right now (3:22 AM Pacific time) to register my improvement. So don’t even try…
CD The Chile Doctor(Quote)
This guy should get an award, like a Nobel or Medal of Freedom, etc. I thought life after 30 was headed downhill – I now have reason to believe otherwise. Owen(Quote)
Life begins at 5:50 – as long as you’ve got bacon. Tom Chandler(Quote)
Not that is what I am talking about! Capt. Josh(Quote)
A wake-up call and a healthy dose of nitrates in one box. Tom Chandler(Quote)
If only this ingenious and quite obviously safe device could be combined with one of those clever self-driving cars, then you’d really have something. Drift off to sleep in the back seat, content in the knowledge that when you wake up (to the gentle wafts of bacon), your luxury Troutmobile will have driven you (efficiently and responsibly) to the bank of your favorite stream. What could possibly go wrong? MHH(Quote)