Finally — a video game that allows you to urinate on things to mark your territory. If you’re like us, you’ve been waiting all your life for just such a chance.

wolfquest

The Minnesota Zoo is freely distributing WolfQuest — a video game that lets you chase down elk and rabbits by assuming the identity of a wolf:

The new video game “WolfQuest” allows players to follow the call of the wild in the role of a wolf in Yellowstone National Park. Players learn quickly, with help from realistic graphics, that wolves do a lot of running across plains, through forests and up and down steep slopes.

“You have to learn how to hunt, survive, defend your territory and ultimately find a mate and establish your own pack,” said project director Grant Spickelmier, assistant education director at Minnesota Zoo in Apple Valley.

Whoa, dude! Even better, you simply press the “H” key to howl at the moon (a natural for Alert Underground Reader Mad Dog). Frankly, I’m interested. Frankly — after I’m done writing this — I’m downloading this puppy and giving it a shot.

Of course, we’re waiting for the “Trout” version, where you muscle out smaller trout for desirable feeding slots, avoid ospreys, learn the difference between real food and the fake stuff hucked at you by anglers, and presumably emit tiny little trout laughs at the clumsy antics of stockies and once-a-year fly fishers.

We’re waiting. Breathlessly.

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Posted in Underground Entertainment.