Could This Be The Ultimate Care Package for Ailing Fly Fishers? (Can Slaw Dogs Really Cure Almost Anything?)
By Tom Chandler on Jan 18, 2008 in Tennessee, Underground Entertainment
Ian & Charity Rutter — who just posted a cool fly fishing the smokies in winter report on their blog — know it’s been a somewhat trying winter at Trout Underground World Headquarters.
Crippled by a succession of colds (well, my own incessant whining about it), I’ve struggled with balky computers, power outages, Satan’s Snowblower, and a pretty hefty dose of cabin fever.
That’s why Ian assembled a care package containing East Tennessee’s Finest Homeopathic Remedies for pretty much whatever ails you, and shipped it the Underground’s way. Behold, my envious Undergrounders:
Yes, that’s a box jammed with MoonPies, whose fabled restorative powers have been known to cure everything from grumpiness to hair loss. There have even been instances where casual snackers — with the help of MoonPies — have cheated death itself*.
Also enclosed is something never before seen by the Underground’s eyes — actual “Hot Dog Chili Sauce” for creating the fabled slaw dog.
I can only stare in wonderment.
I’d always assumed standard, everyday, run-of-the-mill canned chili (when heaped in heart-stopping quantities) made a perfectly acceptable slaw dog.
Wrong.
It turns out “Vietti” makes a chili designed specifically for the task, and while it’s never easy to be confronted by your own shortcomings (at least in the slaw dog sense), I’m glad I’ve been set back on the path to righteousness.
Hot damn. I’m feeling better already. See you at dinner, Tom Chandler.
(*We’re pretty much making this up)
SMJ | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
Cure ya or kill ya, I suppose. I won’t even speculate on the ingredients used to make the “Hot Dog Chili Sauce,” let alone how much they paid the FDA to look the other way.
kbarton10 | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
I think TC read the letter upside down again, the Chili Sauce is for the Moonpies.
Chili Sauce is the only enzyme that breaks down the transfat laden plasticine chocolate biscuit, allowing absorption in the lower colon.
SMJ | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
kbarton: I won’t ask how you know that, but it certainly makes perfect sense.
Tom Chandler | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
kbarton: The last thing you want is for these babies to be absorbed by your lower colon. And SMJ, don’t ask how I know that.
SMJ | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
Thanks for the sound advice. I’ll return the favor: keep that box away from the Wonderdog. Wouldn’t want him rolling in it.
Larry Swearingen | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
“See you at dinner, Tom Chandler”
I’d be happy to see you at dinner !
It’s that part about a few hours later
that I’ll skip.
{:>)
Larry Swearingen
Hoosier Daddy
Matthew | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
I hope there are a couple of packs of Rolaids near the bottom of the box.
Tom Chandler | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
How about an angioplasty catheter?
GG | Jan 18, 2008 | Reply
You know, y’all should lighten up round here…nothing like those MoonPies but not sure about that FINE Hot Dog Chili Sauce.
Yuck.
Mike W. | Jan 19, 2008 | Reply
My wife and I had slaw dogs from THE Phillips 66 a couple of weeks ago. They were delicious, as usual. TC, you are one lucky bastard to have friends that care enough to send such gifts.
Peter Spirito | Jan 19, 2008 | Reply
You need to add an RC Cola to go with the moon pies.
Dean Mullis | Jan 22, 2008 | Reply
Peter has it right, you have to add a RC Cola. Glass bottle preferred with a pack of peanuts poured down the neck.
The chili sauce of choice around here is Texas Pete. Which has always been made in Winston-Salem, NC.
http://www.texaspete.com/product_chili.html