Citigroup Loses $10 Billion Last Quarter: Why Didn’t They Just Go Fishing?
By Tom Chandler on Jan 15, 2008 in Underground Entertainment
As if we needed further proof that fly fishing can be great for the economy, I awoke this morning to learn Citigroup lost $10 billion.
The Underground’s solution to this fiscal crisis is a simple (and requires no additional capital).
Simply send Citigroup’s employees on an extended fly fishing trip, so the mokes can’t lose any more money:
Citigroup Inc. today said it suffered losses of nearly $10 billion in the last three months of 2007 as problems with risky sub-prime loans continued to rattle the country’s major financial companies.
I didn’t lose so much as $5 on my last fishing trip, and it occurs to me that keeping Citigroup’s employees out of the office even half the last quarter would have saved the company $5 billion.
Consider the benefits to the economy if we’d sent Enron’s management on an extended fly fishing trip to Alaska. Or how a monthlong tirp to Montana would work wonders for that Dot.com management team burning through venture capital like it was kindling.
Bad hedge fund management? Moronic day trading? Mutual fund disaster looming?
Send ‘em on an extended fishing trip. Financial problem solved.
It’s innovative, fly fishing-based fiscal solutions like these that are moving the Underground to the forefront of highly paid financial services management consulting (contact us today for special winter midge-fishing rates).
See you on the gravvy train, Tom Chandler.
GG | Jan 15, 2008 | Reply
Thanks for the offer but I already have an FA (financial advisor) however your advice is surely going to catapult you to the top of your industry!
kbarton10 | Jan 15, 2008 | Reply
Can you turn my Double Taper Mortgage into a Weight Forward?
Tom Chandler | Jan 15, 2008 | Reply
I said consulting — as in big-dollar, three-piece-suit, caviar-for-lunch consulting for monster companies.
Here I am solving Whale-Sized Financial Problems with a flick of the keyboard, and I’ve gotta deal with the minnows.
Clearly, my readership is holding me back. I could have been a contender.
Thom Schwabauer | Jan 16, 2008 | Reply
Mr Chandler
after reading your article on fixing Citi Corp. financial. I am convinced I need to teach my wife the art of flyfishing. I have noticed increases in her wardrobe expenditures coincide with my trips chasing my flies upstream.
Do you have any words of wisdom on teaching a city girl about camping?
Turnip Truck Driver | Jan 17, 2008 | Reply
Since Robert Rubin, Citi’s Chairman, is an avid fly fisherman, I’m not so sure we’re not comparing apples to apples. The problem seems obvious, he fell asleep at the tippet.
Tom Chandler | Jan 17, 2008 | Reply
Thom: Well, there’s always glamping, but that’ll run you more than any shopping spree. I think you’re basically screwed.
Turnip: I’d say he’s just not “avid” enough, though it occurs to me when the company says it “lost” $10 Billion, maybe they actually did lose it — sorta like “I left it in the lunch room by accident, now it’s gone.”
Whaddya think?