Let’s face it — you’ve already got so many fly rods that deciding which to take on your next trip already consumes most of the day.
You don’t need more. What you do need is: Fish with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads.
From the “Think Geek” online catalog:
In the future, all fish will be born with lasers. It’s just how life will evolve. They will have lasers, and it’s just something we’ll have to get used to. Until then, we have the next best thing to natural selection: Piranhaz R/C Battle Fish! These fish are just the thing to make your boring fish tank extraordinary. Time to turn your fish tank into a Battle Arena!
That aquarium filled with stoneflies and trout getting kinda boring? Tired of cleaning up after that small bass you brought home for fly pattern testing?
With these infrared-remote controlled fish, you can strike terror in the hearts of your aquarium fish, or — if you’re really bored and your spouse isn’t smart enough to say “no” — you can battle fish v fish using the frickin’ lasers on the fish heads.
Think of the hours of happy, joyous, rapturous fun!
For that matter, does anyone think they could get enough range out of one of these remote-control babies to terrorize the trout at that slow-moving pool?
I can think of one big trout that deserves it for the things he’s done to me…
Once again Undergrounders, the floor is yours. Will all fish in the future have frickin’ laser beams on their heads?
See you at the aquarium, Tom Chandler.
…so you hand a beam weapon to a fish and think he’s going to make nice by killing other fish?
No chance, him and his pond-mates are going to light you up like a Christmas tree, you’ll be standing frozen, arms upraised, watching lasers dance across both your testicles.
You don’t arm insurgents when your breath smells like tuna…
kbarton10(Quote)
Don’t be silly — the fish will greet us as liberators.
Tom Chandler(Quote)
Clearly, if we give the fish lasers, they’ll act all nice now… but in 5 to 10 years! Weapons of mass-fish-destruction! It will be a debacle for sure…
I will be removing any lasers I find mounted to the fish I catch.
NickB(Quote)
Wait a minute… we can’t even decide if “a well regulated militia” means that individuals have a constitutional right to “keep and bear arms”, let alone whether fish have that right. I say “arm us all”, it will lead to a more polite society between man and fish.
Arm the Klamath River Salmon and Steelies with lasers and rocket launchers.
Klamath dam issues: solved.
Next: Arm Lake Davis trout with lasers. They can blind all the non-native species, which will then be unable to adequately hunt/procreate, and die off in a couple of seasons.
Lake Davis Pike issues: solved.
Siamese Fighting Fish confined to iPond: Solved
Arm the trout, catch and release will no longer be required as the fisherman may not even make it off the river alive.
We’ll have a lot of work to do with the rest of the amendments. I say the fish can share in the tax burden as well having the right to vote and peaceably assemble and all that.
Mr. Limpid for President! Hey, we’ve done worse.
Smellslikefish(Quote)
Once again, the Trout Underground’s readership trumps the top legal minds of the day, who — as far as we know — have yet to take up important 2nd amendment questions as they relate to fish.
It’s a proud day. A very proud day.
Tom Chandler(Quote)
Anyone else notice the red vs blue fish? You’re not getting all political on us are you Tom? Or is this a statement on how best to handle the election? May the biggest bad-arse fish win.
Loon(Quote)
Hokay, up to now, I never went fishing, I never even harrassed my little sister’s goldfish. But this has gone too far!
My motto always was, “Until fish carry guns, I’ll not carry any fishing gear.” Well, I’m hitting the flea market this weekend with a vengeance! I’m sure I can find tons of fly rods and stuff there, cast away by disgruntled fishermen who don’t understand this dire threat to our society!
(As an aside, what exactly does a gruntled fisherman look and act like? Just wondering.)
Oh, and that little passage in the Constitution? It’s a typo: Should read “… the right to arm bears.” But we got that one under control years ago. It seems, though, that the Founding Fathers overlooked the piscine varieties of anarchist…
That said, look for great recipes coming Real Soon Now on how to grill, broil and pan-fry these little finned fighters, exclusively on the Chile Underground. And I’m getting together a special offer on “I’m Mad Too, Tommy!” bumper stickers. (Only $20 each, plus a reasonable S&H fee.) Be the first on your stream to have your very own!
Q: Does Uzi make a fishing rod?
The Chile Doctor (locking and loading)
The Chile Doctor(Quote)