The Fishing Jones blog ran a short story contest, where readers submitted six-word long stories.
The winner turned out to be none other than the Trout Underground’s Official Southeastern Guide to Pick On Ian Rutter, whose entry is less a work of fiction and more a reflection of daily guide life:
“I’ll tie the knot next time.”
Brilliant, and we’ll waste no time in pointing out that we taught Ian everything he knows about writing.*
(*We didn’t.)
UPDATE: Ian Rutter has weighed in with his acceptance speech. We quote:
“Perhaps I could have a reading at Barnes & Noble. Put on reading glasses, look over the top of the lenses while surveying the crowd with a surly look. ‘Ahem…. I’ll… (pause and look the crowd over again) tie the knot… (pause to let it sink it) next time.’ Then I’ll smile softly and nod while the crowd claps politely while shaking their heads and wiping the tears from their cheeks. I’ve GOT to get a publicist! Maybe then I could get on Oprah’s reading list.”
[tags]fly fishing, fishing, fishing jones, short story contest, ian rutter[/tags]
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Seems Ian was pushing the boundaries of the six word limit with his use of a contraction…
That one was good, but I actually thought his other contribution “I can spook my own fish” was the best. Yeah, that one really spoke to me.
Tom, maybe you could interview Ian regarding the win. I’m sure inquiring minds would love to hear about his inspiration and of course which fly line he chooses for his winning prize and where he’ll fish the line first.
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Ian’s a dark, moody type, so it’s little surprise his entries so effectively transmitted the pathos of fly fishing.
I myself considered an entry speaking to the career potential of your average trout bum (“Do you want fries with that?”) but decided to focus on making at least one of my client deadlines instead…
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Ian’s acceptance speech is brilliant. I’d suggest having it alternate between B&N and Orvis shops – but only the big city Orvis shops, not the ones which cater to actual fisherman. Of course, along with the reading, the host shop needs to serve wine and cheese, with the emphasis on wine.
I was going to suggest perhaps the TU should host a similar writing contest – maybe up to seven words, just to prove the literacy level of TU readers is above that of the typical Jones reader.
Just a couple of seven word stories off the top of my head:
I will tie the knot next time.
I can spook my own fish well.
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Brilliant maneuver. We taunt Rutter and express the Underground’s superiority, all in one bold move.
My story? “Do you want fries with that sir?”
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My intensive market research suggests that the average Jones reader has three or more doctorates, reads at least five books a day, and does the Jumble in seven seconds. Plus I have confirmed proof of 37 Mensas who read the Jones. Roger D. Kornberg sent me a handwritten note of appreciation.
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Ha! You want smart? The Underground knows from smart:
Stephen Hawkings is a regular, behind-the-scenes contributor to the Trout Underground, and what few people know was that the wildly popular “Bikini Wars: The Final Battle” post was actually written by Albert Einstein, and that it’s a metaphorical reference to his unified theory of the universe. He’s a cagey one, that Albert.
I myself have an IQ in excess of 225 (watch — I can burp the alphabet in order) and while on the stream, I have on several occasions invented new, previously unseen knots.
In the face of this kind of intellectual firepower, we can only be amused at the kindergarten-level fumblings of the Jones readers, but frankly, it’s beneath us to make fun of the mentally challenged.
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I, too, have an IQ in excess of 25, and Stephen Hawking once tied me a fly that caught pike across the space-time continuum. (He’s a coarse fisherman.) But I have no answer to the Bikini Wars…
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Oh yeah? I fished with Spock once, and he used the Vulcan Mind Meld to cure my tailing loop…
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