What’s Your Dead Body Worth? The Cadaver Calculator
By Tom Chandler on Jul 3, 2007 in Underground Entertainment
Sure, it’s impossible to believe that someday we’ll all be worm food, but there it is — our own mortality staring us in the face.
How should we react? Denial? Ha! That’s for pussies.
I say we embrace it — and like good capitalists — we try to make a few bucks off it. Answer a few questions (took me less than a minute), and the Cadaver Calculator determines your body’s worth to medical science. Me? How can you put a price on me?
Mingle2 - Online Dating
Oh. That’s how. Feel free to report your “value” in the comments section. See you at the lab, Tom Chandler.
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C3C Raine | Jul 3, 2007 | Reply
…a measley $5400…I need to start doing stuff that’s not good for me so my body is worth more…!?
John | Jul 3, 2007 | Reply
$3805: gotcha by $55 Tom. Must be that extra heavy liver of mine! :)
frogmorton | Jul 3, 2007 | Reply
I don’t know what I’m worth to medical science as a cadaver but I’m worth more alive. I spent more than $3000 last year alone just staying alive. I think half of that was for morphine which was the only procedure I enjoyed.
kbarton10 | Jul 3, 2007 | Reply
Let’s bat for average shall we?
It’s safe to say that your average angler is worth much more than the typical debutante or golf fiend…
Fishermen routinely ingest heavy metals in excess of the warnings posted by the FDA. As a typical striped bass is worth $0.45 in Mercury alone, add in all that tuna, and an above average angler is worth a fortune.
Live near the Bay/Delta?, Selenium is nearly $63 per pound - that’s tall cotton, baby.
Tom Chandler | Jul 4, 2007 | Reply
Frankly, I think I’d be worth more than the rest of you mokes because I live a pure, virtuous life, but that clearly doesn’t translate to much interest on the part of researchers.
The fact that I have the Strength of Ten Men (because my heart is pure) should send medical science into a tizzy, but it doesn’t appear to be the case.
It is hell being exemplary…
Peter M Spirito | Jul 4, 2007 | Reply
Now that I know what my mother-in-law is worth, where do I go to sell her?
Tom Chandler | Jul 4, 2007 | Reply
Funeral services for Peter will be held at the Chuck-e-Cheese near the Chevron station as he was struck down in his prime by a speeding car — one bearing an eerie resemblance to his Mother in law’s.