WWJE
By smellslikefish on Apr 8, 2007 in Underground Entertainment
[Editor's Note: I didn't write this, so e-mail any death threats directly to Twisted Underground Reader Smellslikefish]
Seeing as “Tom’s Second Occasional Slaw-Dog Festival” happens to fall on Easter Sunday this time ’round, I think it’s only fitting to have a WWJE (What Would Jesus Eat?) discussion — a liturgical give-and-take designed to help us truly locate the world’s best fly fishing food/fuel.
Let’s say Christ decided to spend this springtime holiday fly fishing the State of Jefferson: Would we find him sitting at the picnic bench outside Ammirati’s market/gas station chowing down an Ammirati’s chili burrito?
Or would our Lord and Savior join us for this afternoon’s slaw-dog fest?
(Well, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to say for sure, but I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t be caught dead spending Easter Sunday with the louts who will be messing up the L&T Nancy’s clean house later today, but that’s outside the scope of this discussion.)
The Ammirati’s burrito has been described by many (meaning at least one of us) as possibly the perfect fishing food. Lets face it, they’re very good, but some of that bias is regional pride - simply not wanting to admit that gas station food from Tennessee could top the State of Jefferson’s gas station delicacies.
The fact is, there are several local legends which bring into question the birthplace of the slaw-dog - legends which, if true, could tip the perfect fishing food debate (as well as WWJE) well in favor of the slaw-dog.
Although they’re now most famous in Tennessee, slaw-dogs are rapidly gaining in popularity through the Cascades in part due to Tom’s efforts in introducing the “new” culinary delight.
Yet, if the legends are true, slaw dogs were wildly popular here in the mid nineteenth century - and so there could very well be some lingering genetic predisposition toward them in our region.
One story tells that the slaw-dog was actually invented by one of Tom Chandler’s relatives, who have been living in the Sacramento River Canyon for six generations.
As this particular story goes, the creator (not THE creator, but the slaw-dog creator) was the Chandler family black-sheep, Chirstopher the Dyslexic, who heard the “go west, young man” mantra in the 1800s and headed back to the Tennessee Valley at age 57, where he proceeded to lose the Chandler family recipe for the Slaw-Dog in a hillbilly poker game - bringing shame on the Chandler family name and starting a slaw-dog boycott which persisted for more than 150 years.
And now Tom — having resurrected the family recipe and thereby restoring honor and dignity to Chandlers in the region — is hellbent on making it the go-to post-fishing-food as well as an Easter Sunday tradition right here in God’s country…
Technorati Tags: slaw dog
Jim Webb | Apr 8, 2007 | Reply
I read this post very carefully, but I cannot find any indication of what Jesus would have done about the Slaw Dog. I’m pretty sure that if he happened on one that had onions on it, he would have declared it an abomination, and split the party early, making only the flimsiest of excuses. Onions! Geez!
Did I ever tell you about onions in the S.O.S.? We opted for C-rations.
Tom Chandler | Apr 9, 2007 | Reply
Most concerning was your statement that you “read this post very carefully,” suggesting mental illness or a criminal amount of spare time.
kbarton10 | Apr 9, 2007 | Reply
It would depend on Jesus’s nutritionist.
His doctor would have advised him against the perils of eating, “loaves and fishes” - because of the processed white flour and high mercury content.
Vegan would not be an option either. While God’s powers are considerable, I don’t think you can split a blackberry into enough pieces to feed a crowd - especially wearing white robes…
Instinct suggests that Jesus would have forsworn attending the SwineFest debauch at TC’s house, even if cole slaw was served.
Likely, Jesus would have been a UNIX administrator, slowing starving himself on some form of macrobiotic health kick, in between Trans Fat protests.