The Top Seven Things You Wish You Hadn’t Eaten Before Fishing the Year’s Best Green Drake Hatch
By Tom Chandler on Jan 8, 2007 in Underground Entertainment
I’m under the multiple deadline gun, trapped behind a desk instead of out on the river as God so clearly intended.
Instead of fishing, my poor, overworked mind is reduced to compiling “top” lists in an attempt to stave off insanity.
Clearly, it’s failed.
So I give you a new “Top Seven” list. And in an interesting abuse of the online writer/reader relationship, I’m expecting the Undergrounders to contribute the #1 entry.
Without further ado:
The Top Seven Things You Wish You Hadn’t Eaten Before Fishing the Year’s Best Green Drake Hatch:
#7- Brussels Sprouts (see the Turtle Story)
#6 - The 12 year-old Ho-Ho found in the trunk of your car
#5 - Those streamside mushrooms (the Green Drakes are talking to you in Italian, and you don’t speak Italian)
#4 - A week-old Amiratti’s “Sofa Dad” burrito
#3 - A pint of your wife’s macro-laxotic “special deep colon cleanse” protein drink
#2 - That fourth slaw dog
#1 - Readers?
Technorati Tags: fly fishing
kbarton10 | Jan 8, 2007 | Reply
Are the Drake’s Lactating? … it makes a difference you know.
My vote would be any nutritious bar, labeled with any fashionable diet name, that portends to be a “healthy and balanced snack.”
You know the ones…first ingredient is always something like “Soy Nuggets” or “Soylike Substance.”
Three hours later, you are skinning out of your waders pounding vapor carp, after vapor ‘possum.
Jesu Christo, whoever invented those was a SADIST.
Ed | Jan 8, 2007 | Reply
New Jersey Taco Bell’s E-Colito with cheese?
Megan | Jan 8, 2007 | Reply
General Tso’s Chicken WITH MSG. Bad bad bad.
jbmcandless | Jan 8, 2007 | Reply
A large cup of coffee from Ammiratis…
Really great coffee, but its been know to induce lower GI tract convulsions mid-stream…(the 12 budweisers and 4 sausages the night before while camped at Castle Crags probably didn’t help things much either I suppose…)
BillyB | Jan 8, 2007 | Reply
The breakfast bowl of wheat-bran colon-blow cereal recommended by your physician . . .
Murdock | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
Never eat a Micky D’s that is undergoing construction before fishing the White River in AR. The porta-jons outside do not bode well for the hygiene inside. However there are some nice restrooms at the area campgrounds.
Michael Rasmussen | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
I’m thinking it would be wise to avoid eating green drake nymphs right before the green drake hatch
C4CRaine | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
Any of these “Mama Mitche’s” Favorites: Pepper Steak, Chicken a la King, Fiesta Chicken, Turkey Tetrazzini (this is about the worst dish ever!), and anything that has nacho cheese sauce in it. On the subject of cheese - Kraft single or macaroni will do a number on anyone, avoid them before fishing!
Tom Chandler | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
Lots of interesting (and largely disgusting) offerings.
But no mentions of the Burger Barn’s Barn Buster burger?
No references to roadkill?
James Shellhammer | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
ANYTHING found in your flyfishing vest left over form the last trip.
Clay Tabor | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
My vote is that bag of “WOW” olestra potato chips. You know because of that whole anal leakage thing. You may not have enough warning before the storm.
hawgdaddy | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
A few years ago Burger King had a limited time chili jalepeno triple Whopper. I wasn’t dumb enough to try one, but I don’t imagine it would go well with a green drake hatch.
Also, Insane and I once tried the world’s hottest sauce at the Pepper Palace in Gatlinburg. On top of the pain, which was substantial, it sent us into immediate intestinal shock. Not good for fly fishing.
hawgdaddy
the mad fishicist | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
I ate some tuna casserole once before a midnight sun fishing trip. Renamed it tuna asserole after having to walk* back to the truck for some TP.
MAD
*gingerly skip–somehow it helps if only your heels touch the ground
Kevin | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
At some point last season, a fair amount of venison jerky got loose in my vest. Some time (read weeks/months)later, whilst starving upon the Middle Fork of the Feather, I foolishly made the call: it would be ok to take just a nibble or two.
Disaster ensued.
Tom Chandler | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
Wow. Suddenly, roadkill’s looking a lot better.
C4CRaine | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
I don’t think it’s the Barn Buster you have to worry about Tom, I think it may be my own creation: “The Barnstormer!” In my opinion onion rings, barbeque sauce, and pepper jack cheese can lead to pressure build up throughout the large intestine! However, I have never had a problem with my burger, and will take this opportunity to advertise it’s outstanding flavor!
Tom Bie | Jan 9, 2007 | Reply
That jar of Pautzke’s Balls O’ Fire you thought was cavier
Alistair | Jan 10, 2007 | Reply
I cant believe nooone has said a Rogan Josh Balti. Having one of those bad boys the night before any fishing trip is like putting red hot lava in your bowel.
Alistair
Tom Chandler | Jan 10, 2007 | Reply
Alistair: I love Indian food, but it’s not exactly common in rural areas of the US… 8-)
And Tom: Pautzke’s aren’t caviar?? No wonder I never got past all those first dates…