The Acorns of Doom: It’s Time to Ask The Underground
By Tom Chandler on Oct 11, 2006 in Underground Entertainment
It was a typical work day (which means I was in trouble and not doing much about it) when the wind gusted and a bushel of acorns rained down on the roof like firecrackers.
It’s fall up here, which means the acorns are plummeting from the skies like miniature artillery shells. If you haven’t been hammered by these hurtling seeds of pain yet, you probably will.
To some, they’re big nuts. To those of us who spend time outdoors, they’re something else entirely. They’re the Acorns of Doom.
Happy-go-lucky seeds, harbingers of the apocalypse, or instruments of your next concussion?
Call The Answer Man
You only have to get hit by one of these welt-producing projectiles to wonder how fast they’re going. And when I have a question of excessively nerdy proportions, I got to one man for answers; my laser physicist, formula-obsessed brother: Gerry Chandler.
His answers were chilling. Assuming the acorn detached itself from a branch 40 feet up….
If you are 5′9″, it would take 1.46 seconds for the acorn to hit you moving at a velocity of 14.3 m/s or about 32 mph. This is fast enough to chip paint, dent cars and cause small brain lesions. The sound of one hitting your head would be just like the thumping a watermelon, leading me to wonder if the tree isn’t listening to see if you are ripe.
Once again, the Underground scoops the rest of the Outdoor Media with this blockbuster story about a deadly flying seed that significantly exceeds the speed limit of many residential neighborhoods.
And remember: you’ll see this ONLY at the Trout Underground. (We report, You Get Knocked Unconscious.)
John | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
Tom, great post on the deadly fruits of the oak tree.
The year my son was born, we had a particularly heavy “harvest” and he got hit square on the soft spot on top of his head. Luckily, it was only enough to cause a lot of crying. However, four years later, I can’t sometimes help but wonder if it may have caused some damage, or is that how four year old boys are supposed to behave? :)
Great blog. Even though I’m in a relatively trout free area of the east coast, I really enjoy your posts. Keep it coming!
fedak | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
Oak trees grow in vacuums up there in Shasta, eh? :)
C4C Raine | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
umm…uh…hurtling is not a word?! haha, hurling is what you were working for - don’t try t argue you with me either I asked my ENGLISH professor, yeah it’s like that. Those little suckers are deadly though…glad I’m not up there to have to deal with the leaves!
Tom Chandler | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
I can see this important topic has brought out the doubters - or are they all simply part of the Ongoing Acorn Coverup?
First, since the acorn never approaches terminal velocity, we simply did away with air resistance. Besides, I live in the mountains, where the air’s thinner anyway.
And C4C Raine… you can find “hurtling” in the Merriam Webster dictionary. I’m pretty sure your English professor can too. But then, he’s probably part of the coverup too…
rriver | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
Hmmm. “Acorns of doom?” I grew up in Ohio, where the small buckeye’s are 5 lbs. Being hit by an acorn meant it was your lucky day. Well, if you weren’t hit by Sister Ursula either.
- rriver
fedak | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
Acorns are cute, but these things will leave more than a welt: http://www.fedak.net/photos/BuenaVista/P9060214-standard.html
http://www.fedak.net/photos/BuenaVista/P9060217-standard.html
Not to mention Redwood “Widowmaker” branches.
And whilst I’m being a smartass- Wouldn’t it be better to look for Trout Underwater vs. Trout Underground?
murdock | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
One word - Walnuts.
It is not unlike being pelted with small baseballs.
I won’t even go into chestnuts. Those spines really hurt though.
Larry Swearingen | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
Oh what a puss ! Whining about a little acorn.
Just try dodging a 14-16″ longx 5″ diameter Jeffry Pine cone, or a coconut for that matter.
Larry S in socal
Ok so out local palm trees don’t HAVE coconuts but still….
Tom Chandler | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
rriver: your post explains a great deal about Ohio. A great deal…
fedak | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
Ahh, buckeye fights with the neigborhood kids. Or crabapples. Or MonkeyBalls. Good Times.
We do have Buckeyes here in CA. Theres a big one along the Chalone Creek trail in Pinnacles NM.
Tom Chandler | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
Fedak, we call it the Underground because we’re The Resistance, baby. (What are we rebelling against? What have you got?).
Like all revolutionary groups, we’ve even got a Manifesto. Fly fishing’s fun, we aim to keep it that way… 8-)
Tom Chandler | Oct 12, 2006 | Reply
Clearly, many of the Undergrounders have phobias centered around things falling from the sky.
Fortunately, the Underground’s here to help. For a fast, 24-hour cure for almost any phobia, simply visit this site, and less than a day later, you’ll be a healthy human being.