Are Montana’s Trout On Crack?
By Tom Chandler on Sep 29, 2006 in Flies, Fly Fishing, Underground Entertainment, Underground's Best
A leading Montana Fly Fishing Blogger recently posted a “suspicious” [ahem] October Caddis pattern suggestion on the Underground - the third such questionable pattern suggestion from a Montana-based Undergrounder in 18 months.
Clearly, it’s time someone in the outdoor media stood up and asked the question that others don’t have the guts to ask:
Are all Montana trout smoking crack?
One bad fly pattern could be an anomaly, but given the wholly unproductive “sure thing” patterns offered by other Montana-based Undergrounders, a larger picture begins to emerge.
And it’s an unpretty picture indeed - one of trout so stupid that they’ll eat October Caddis imitations other trout won’t touch. Or even hopper patterns more Dali-esque than duplicative.
Is this proof of excessive drug use among Montana’s trout?
It’s starting to look that way to this reporter.
I’m reminded of a local fly fisher’s quote upon his return from Montana; he was asked about the fishing, and replied “It was about what you’d expect from a place where they mostly fish flies made from foam.”
Revealing. And damming.
Foaming at the Mouth
Everything I’ve said so far could simply be the ramblings of a deranged fly fisher (not that there’s anything wrong with that - it works for most political pundits), but careful examination of the lyrics from Montana’s Official State Song offers incontrovertible proof:
Montana, Montana,
Glory of the West
Of all the states from coast to coast,
You’re easily the best, and your trout are as dumb as rocks.
It’s time to save the Montana trout. By getting them into rehab…
.
.
BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: It’s the expectation of any brilliant (nay, genius) journalist that breaking the big story could mean you’ll experience attacks by those desperate to preserve their dark, dark secrets. Fly Fishing in Yellowstone has launched the first, though his latest “can’t miss” pattern frankly tends to support my theory. (Either that, or Montana’s filled with a lot of fly fishing musicians.) Don’t miss the notes for what might be the funniest fly pattern of the year…
Technorati Tags: montana, October Caddis
Sully | Sep 30, 2006 | Reply
Ha ha, all good, anti-poetic fun. But, before this Montana bashing gets out of hand answer this question-
How many Montana plates do I see parked at (insert your favorite non-Big Sky fishing location)?
Answer to yourself and silently, please.
Rio Grande King of Missoula
Tom Chandler | Sep 30, 2006 | Reply
Nice, Sully. Attempting to tamp down this Breaking News Story (nay, Scandal even) before it gets out of hand reeks of a certain Rovian talent, but Fly Fishing in Yellowstone has already responded, and with a brilliant fly pattern that - dare I say it - proves my point?
Having started this, it’s a shame I’m leaving town and won’t be around to fan the flames…
Sully | Oct 1, 2006 | Reply
Did you mean “fan the flames” or “breath the smoke”?
pseudososa | Oct 1, 2006 | Reply
Sully,
Are you including the Montana plates purchased by out-of-state RV’er’s to avoid paying their state sales tax on the motor home? I understand that the RV’s would be parked at a number of Montana AND out-of Montana fishing locations while avoiding the home state for 18 months or so…..
It is reported that this process is quite the cottage industry in Big Sky Country….along with breathing the fumes from Scotch Brand 777 adhesive…choice of foam ant tyers….and I wouldn’t fan the flames….Scotch uses a flammable propellent in the can…..same stuff that huffers use….while tying? gluing? Ah, let Tom sort this out. He started it. It’s his fault.
Sully | Oct 2, 2006 | Reply
Pseudososa,
Silly question really. But do you know how to get Scotch Brand 777 out of facial hair? Somehow got a half-dozen Chernobyl Ants and a paper bag stuck to my mustache.
Don’t tell, but TC does have a point. Recent tying exhibitions I’ve seen here in River City look like Jim Henson’s people slapping muppets together. We do like our big foam floaters.
Tom Chandler | Oct 2, 2006 | Reply
I’m back, and must readily admit there are few Montana plates on the Upper Sac.
I couldn’t be happier about it. Hell, I’d be happy if there were fewer California plates here.